Overcoming
by Annie O'Daire
Summary: Santana and Brittany Pierce-Lopez are having children after losing their first baby. What will happen as the kids grow older?
1. Chapter 1

"BRITTANY." Santana had to get her attention. She was going on and on about some new Broadway show she just went with Rachel to see. Santana kept her voice stern and pleading, but made sure to keep it far less agitated-sounding than she actually was. "Brit, listen to me for a minute!"

"Okay, Santana. Go ahead. Your turn," she said, with an ever present smile written across her face. Brittany slid her hand over the steering wheel where Santana's was and pulled it away slowly, intertwining fingers with fingers. The glint of her golden wedding band cast a sparkle onto the SUV's ceiling, and she couldn't help but think of sparkles and magic.

"Brit, I think we should try again…" Santana looked into the distance, through the windshield, avoiding Brittany's hurt stare that was yet to come, just like every other time she tried to talk to her about this, "let's try… to have another baby." The words "have" and "baby" were like bombshells on Brittany. She held her breath for a minute, not saying a word, thinking over the past year in her mind. "Honey, I know it was tough- but counseling helped, right? We're okay now, right? Things cannot be better now; this is the perfect opportunity to try again!" How could Santana have such a positive spirit about the whole thing? How could she pretend what happened last winter affected Brittany so little?

"I… San, I don't-"

"Brit Brit," she hadn't called Brittany that in years, "please- for me? I understand how much it hurt you physically, and emotionally. I know, sweetie, but please. We talked about this years ago. We knew going in it would be risky, but we both wanted children. You know that saying? Lightning doesn't strike the same spot twice?"

"Does that apply to the ocean?"

Santana just let her head fall back against the headrest. This was going nowhere. Ever since Brittany was young, she had had no common sense. She learned over the years, though, and eventually landed a job at a veterinarian's office downtown. She specialized in cat diseases. The best of the best came to her for help on solving a sick cat's illness. The "gift" as Santana had called it, surprised most of their friends, but nonetheless made Brittany happy. And for Santana, that was all that mattered. But, Brittany never grew out of the 'no common sense' thing. She mostly used it to deflect serious topics, like this one.

"Santana, I can't do it again," Brittany said through a closed throat. She was about to start crying. "I can't go through with another pregnancy, just to hurt you and me and another baby all over again. I don't care about the stupid lightning and I especially don't care about the risks. All I know is that I can't. I can't hurt again, not like that. It's too much. I don't see how you could possibly want to go through with it again, either."

"I'd go through hell with you, don't you know that? I DID go through hell with you, and I'd do it all over again if I had to. We lost our baby. We lost her. It wasn't you. It wasn't anything you did. It just… happened. It happens to a lot of people every day, sweetheart. But are you willing to let those dreams of kids go to waste?" Santana stopped to think for a minute. "Remember when we went shopping, when we found out it was a girl? You wanted to make sure you had bows for her- you said you wanted bows for her hair because your mom always put them in your hair, and that meant a lot to you. And when we went and bought those bows, you found one with a button that said 'Momma's Princess' on it. And you just smiled, because you knew that that baby was gonna be just that- her Momma's princess. Do you want that bow to just sit on our nightstand forever? I don't! I want another princess, another baby girl. I know Bella's gone, and we will never get to be that baby's parents again, but Brittany, you were made to be a mommy. Please. Let's try again."

Brittany had lost track of the world beneath her. She sat in silence, begging Santana in her thoughts to stop talking. Her head was starting to ache, and she had left her medicine at home. All she could think about was Bella- sweet, princess Bella, who they had named for her beauty. She came out looking just like Santana. She had the same furrowed brow expression that Santana got when she was either confused or just down right judging a person. Bella had the same nose as her, the same dark, chocolate hair that Brittany had fallen in love with years and years ago. But as soon as that baby's eyes were open, it was like a flood of new DNA had swept through her. Bella had the same sharp, piercing blue eyes that Brittany had- one of the only things Bella had in common with her birth mother. It was an anomaly, a wonder of amazement for the two of them, something neither woman could figure out. She was just simply a perfect mix of the two of them.

But none of that had mattered, for the forces of the universe left the couple shattered just minutes after the baby was born. She was suffocating, due to her umbilical cord being wrapped around her neck, and the doctors couldn't resuscitate her in time, and all Santana and Brittany could do was sit and watch as the baby they had waited for 9 months for slowly lost the life in her eyes right in front of them. They went home the next night, baby bag as they had taken it, no clothes removed, no diapers used and thrown away like they were meant to be. The crib in the newly painted pink room went empty, where a warm little body should've slept. The formula cans were pushed to the back of the pantry and the Gerber baby spoons and bottles were never used. Friends called wondering if the baby had come just to be left in the awkward stance of telling one of the two women how sorry they were for their loss- like that helped. Brittany wouldn't leave the house for months, and Santana had to leave work early just to go home to Brittany who would call in the midst of a nervous breakdown. Santana would cradle her in her arms, hold her to her chest, and just sob with her, because she had no idea what else to do, until Brittany would finally cry herself to sleep.

"If we try again, I want you to carry it," Brittany suddenly burst out. The look of shock on Santana's face didn't even compare to the look of shock Brittany had on her own face. Her words surprised her as greatly as they had Santana. "I can't let US lose another baby because of ME. But I realize I'd be doing the same thing if I said no to trying again. Santana, I love you with everything in me. We've dreamed for years of these kids and I can't ruin those dreams for us. I love you. I love you. I love you. Let's have us a baby."


	2. Chapter 2

"…what?" Santana looked up in confused tears at her old friend. Finn had become an obstetrician years ago, and she now found the sympathetic gaze of her friend from high school, rather the doctorly presence she'd normally felt when she was with him. He was visibly older looked now, speaking to her like this. She noticed the crow's feet around his eyes and the laugh lines around the corners of his mouth. She couldn't decide if they were actually from laughing, or if they were from the grimace of doing this with other moms every day.

"Santana, you have a rare condition called hyperthyroidism. Only about 1% of the US population has it, and this is most likely the reason why you aren't getting pregnant like you hoped to. I'd start reconsidering Brittany trying to hold the baby again. You guys have been trying for months now, where it took her three weeks to get pregnant via sperm bank. Santana?"

Santana looked down from Finn's gaze. The look of sympathy in his big brown eyes was something Santana couldn't take- not just from him, but from anyone. Back in her high school days, she prevented everyone from feeling sorry for her by simply being mean to them, and telling no one anything about her personal life. Anything that hurt her, or left her conflicted, she kept to herself, and she took those feelings out on other people just so she could ignore what was specifically happening right now. Then she finally understood what Dr. Hudson was telling her. "…you aren't getting pregnant…" "…start reconsidering Brittany…" The two phrases ran over and over in her head. What the hell was hyperthyroidism and why can't she get pregnant? Then it hit her.

"Dr. Huds-"

"Finn, San. We've been friends for 15 years, you can call me Finn."

"Finn, then. You don't understand. Brittany won't get pregnant again. She says she can't be responsible for the loss of a life of another one of our children. She just can't, and I don't think I could force her to." Sweet, innocent Brittany. All Santana could think about was the fact that if she couldn't get pregnant, they were never going to start a family. Santana loved Brittany more than anything, and if that was what ended up happening in their relationship, she was okay with that. As long as she had Brittany, she didn't care what else happened. But Santana knew that Brittany longed for another child. As she held Britt in her arms she could feel her silently sobbing at night, long after Brittany thought Santana had fallen asleep. She'd seen the way Brittany fingered the little pink and white bows in the nursery when she thought Santana wasn't around. She had felt the heartache watching Brittany stare with tears in her eyes at the ceramic set of perfect pink slippers that held Bella's ashes on the mantle. That's when they stopped watching TV in the living room.

They had discussed their options for children right after they got married. They had both wanted biological children, knowing with their "already unique family", having children that looked and talked like they did would just be perfect. Adoption was something that neither woman favored, and it had become a non-existent topic after Brittany had gotten pregnant with Bella. Something about the pregnancy in and of itself had made Brittany tell Santana, "If we decide to try again, I want it to be this way. I want to be able to experience the baby beneath my skin, or yours. I don't want to wait through emails, countries apart. I like this. I like the realness of me and her together and you keeping us safe." Thinking back to that day nearly tore Santana's heart to shreds. That was the day they had decided on the baby's name. Bella- Italian for beautiful. Something Brittany knew, if anything, that baby was.

"San, talk to her again. Tell her what I told you. The odds are getting slimmer and slimmer with every failed attempt to pregnancy, and I really think another pregnancy would be good for her. It creates a closer attachment to the new baby when a mother has lost a child previous to the baby's birth. I've seen it many times in this very hospital. This could be good for both of you. We all knew from the beginning you didn't want to carry the baby. And we both know she DOES."

"I'll talk to her, okay? But I'm not promising anything. She's fragile right now. She's special. She's not hard like me." She thought what neither person in the room would say: This could have the potential to fix Brittany, or break her forever.

"SANTANA. Um, San, you better get in here." Brittany was sitting upright against the tub, legs sprawled out in front of her, eyes dazing. She could feel blood seeping through the V of her pajama pants. "Santana… San, please wake up!" she bellowed as loud as she could, her pregnant belly trembling with pain, slashes of angry aching rolling up and down her sides as she called for her wife. But she couldn't hear her. Something was wrong, she could feel it. But Brittany couldn't move, and Santana wasn't coming. She did all she knew how to do in situations like this one. She cried. And screamed louder. And held her stomach closer to her, as if it were possible. And then the lights went out.

A world shattering scream erupted from Brittany's once peaceful body as Santana automatically awakened, her body programmed to wake up and comfort the one woman who Santana knew she could not let hurt further than she already had been. "Britt! Honey, tell me what's wrong. What hurts, honey? Tell me, please, so I can make it better!" Santana was about to start crying along with her now hyperventilating wife. She suddenly regretted everything about the past two months- the tests, the blood drawing, the hormones, the sperm injections, everything. This site of her wife was not worth any of it.

"I'm okay, I'm… okay," Brittany bit out through tears. She could feel the pain from the dream- scratch that, NIGHTMARE- still holding her sides, clenching her by the throat. "Santana, I'm okay. Honest," she curled into her wife's arms and settled her face into the smooth mocha curve of Santana's neck, and closed her eyes, hoping, praying Santana would never leave her, like in the dream. "Promise me something?" she said into the darkness, as she felt Santana smooth Brittany's hair down, her nails sending soft vibrations through her body.

"Hm?" Santana breathed, cradling Brittany closer to her than before. Brittany wrapped her arms closer around Santana's sides, her long nails tracing stars into her wife's back. "Anything, sweetheart. Anything at all."

"Never leave," Brittany spoke through soft, sweet breaths into Santana's ears. "Never leave me, not ever." She turned her head away from Santana's neck and framed her hands around Santana's face, laced in the night's darkness. Brittany could see the glint of her white teeth from the streetlamps coming from the window as she opened her mouth, ready to respond. But Brittany didn't let her. Brittany pressed her lips, once screaming in terror, down onto Santana's and moved them in a sweet rhythm, as Santana cradled her cheek in the cup of her hand, wiping the long forgotten tears away.

Santana pulled back, and in a beautiful voice only God could create, she said, "I will never leave without you. You have my word." Her warm embrace left Brittany in full comfort that, indeed, she could never go.


	3. Chapter 3

3:42 in the morning, and Brittany was still wide awake. She hadn't been getting much sleep lately, staying up all night thinking about the prospective idea of having another child. It's not like she hadn't tried, of course, doing things like reading, knitting, listening to music- things that would normally send her dozing. Nothing worked. She turned her head on the pillow, and looked at Santana, sound asleep, smiling, ever so slightly, in her dreams. Brittany couldn't help but long for an insight into her beautiful girl's mind. She rolled onto her side and started playing with the short, black baby hairs growing at the crown of her head, grinning at the child-likeness, so different from Santana's personality. She knew Santana wanted this, knew she would be so happy. Brittany fumbled in her thoughts, not knowing whether to feel happy with her wife, instead of holding herself back from joy, in case of devastation, or whether she SHOULD feel so scared, so anxious. Thinking about the sheer idea of a baby sent tumbles in her belly only bending over could fix.

Silently, making sure not to wake Santana, Brittany rose from their bed and waddled over to the bathroom. She opened the door and just as quickly shut it, turning the light on after, as to not let the bright light cast over her sleeping partner. Under the sink, she dug behind bottles of lotion, extra loofas, baskets of chapsticks, headbands, and hairbows until she found the thick box she'd been searching for. Standing tall again, she sat on the toilet lid, unsure of what to do next. In that moment, spontaneous Brittany popped out, and she grabbed a little Dixie cup they used for brushing their teeth with, and held it below her, in the bowl of the toilet. She brought the cup in front of her, pushed in three white sticks, and set it back onto the counter of the sink. All the while, she held in her breath, completely unsure of what she had just done.

Brittany backed away from the sink until her body hit the dull, green wall behind her. She bent down, allowing her legs to slowly give way until her bottom hit the floor. Instinctively, she brought her knees to her chest, and let her head settle between them. It was then that she finally let the breath she had been holding in out.

The green walls. They reminded her of her second trimester of being pregnant with Bella. Santana and she were beyond excited for a baby. Especially when they had found out it was a girl. However, they knew in the little apartment they shared, there would be no room for a third guest. "Well, then I'll guess we'll just have to move, huh?" Santana had said, a smile in her voice, when Brittany had mentioned her nerves over bringing the baby home to a small room that would leave barely any room to walk with a queen sized mattress and a bassinette. They had moved in the nick of time, two weeks shy of their baby's birth. The new house had three large bedrooms, a kitchen made for kings (much to Brittany's joy) and a living room with a view to the lake at the bottom of the hill behind them that made them feel on top of the world. Brittany had been so angry about Santana painting these bathroom walls such an ugly shade of green. She had much rather preferred neon green or yellow. But what the memory really brought back was painting Bella's room. Brittany being so pregnant, she wasn't much help to Santana, Puck, and Quinn, who were at work painting the beautiful room pink, while Kurt and Blaine did fancy work on the ceiling. At the end, the painting looked like a slightly less professional version of the Sistine Chapel. Brittany had insisted on helping, eventually grabbing a paintbrush and starting herself- until Santana and her started painting each OTHER. The others laughed along and the paint wars continued, until Kurt had a panic attack over paint on his Louis Vuitton shoes. They sent everyone home that night laughing and smiling. Brittany and Santana had slept in the baby's room that night, excited that Bella would finally have a place of her own- a home.

Thinking about Bella now, she was caught. She didn't know how to feel. _Should I feel excited if it's positive, or nervous over the pregnancy itself? What if it _isn't _positive? Do I tell San? She'd be beyond disappointed, I can't do that to her._

A thousand thoughts running through her head, Brittany lost track of time. She saw the words and visions in her mind spinning in circles as she finally fell into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Santana awoke abruptly, and she wasn't sure why. She looked up beside her and Brittany was gone. The only reason this alarmed Santana was simply because Brittany NEVER woke up before she did. Ever. This was beyond unusual. Santana climbed down from the bed, and grabbed her thick bathrobe off the back of the bathroom door. _Brittany always keeps it so cold in this house_, she thought, as she snuggled into the warm blue terry cloth. She glided through the house, passing room after room, and still couldn't find her wife. She wasn't in the kitchen, the office, Bella's room (thank God), or the home gym. Even weirder, the SUV was still in the garage. Santana would be worried, but like an outside cat, Brittany always came home for food.

Santana went back into the kitchen and started up the coffee for herself, and began boiling water for Brittany's tea. It was their morning routine. But, as she was pouring coffee into her new, green ceramic mug Brittany has gotten her for her birthday, she heard a scream, coming from the direction of their bedroom. As Santana turned around and looked up, the green mug fell, collapsing via gravity onto the white kitchen floor, glass and coffee flying everywhere. Santana took off at a deadbolt, not caring about glass, or trailing coffee onto the carpet. All she cared about was comforting the scream she knew too well- her wife's. Stumbling into the bedroom, she looked up and down the room, unsure of where the scream came from. _The bathroom, _she realized.

Santana burst through the door, finding Brittany, her while face stuck under the bathtub faucet, taking turns between filling, gurgling, and spitting, over and over again. Santana just stood there in shock and confusion, but didn't wonder too much. It was too funny a moment to even ask. Brittany's hair and clothes were soaked in what she thought was water, until finally she noticed the stench. _Why the hell does it smell like pee all over the bathroom? _She thought. Then, she decided to help her very funnily aggravated wife do whatever it was she was doing.

"Brittany! What are you DOING?" she half laughed, half said.

"What does it look like! I'm trying to get all this damn pee out of my mouth and hair!"

"Brit, why is there even pee IN your hair and mouth?"

At this, Brittany started laughing, too. Santana sat down on the edge of the tub beside her and got the shampoo from the little cove in the wall where it was stored. She massaged Brittany's head repeatedly, until the stench of urine was replaced with the smooth, fragrant, coconut scent that Santana loved about Brittany's hair. It always smelled like coconut, and always left Santana snuggled up with Brittany's long golden locks perfectly in Santana's face while they snuggled in bed, watching late night TV. Brittany rose from the ground, the taste of pee finally gone from her mouth. She leaned in to kiss her wife, just for Santana to playfully, yet urgently scream, "STOP! Just because your mouth tastes like pee doesn't mean mine's got to, too!" she ended with a laugh, and suddenly not caring, leaned in to kiss her wife's perfect pink lips.

"Okay," she said, leaning back. "Come on, I have to go rescue our kitchen floor from being permanently brown in one spot." As she stood up, she stepped on something plastic and hard. Leaning down to retrieve it, thinking it was a toothbrush, she knew instantly what it was when her fingers were placed on it. Grabbing it, she didn't want to look. Because she knew why there was pee all over Brittany's clothes and in her hair, and sprawled on the floor out of a paper cup lying in the corner. Brittany froze, remembering last night's events, and sent up a silent prayer for some good luck.

Santana flipped over the stick. Two perfect blue lines crossed each other's paths. Brittany frantically searched the bathroom for something, finally coming back into position with two other positives. Four shaking hands lined the three perfect white promises into a line on the side of the tub. While Brittany was whimpering and smiling at the same time, Santana was trying to figure out when these tests were used, and in shock at the plus signs they showed. At the same moment, both women grabbed each other in a loving embrace, capturing the moment of sweet serendipity that had unfolded right before their very eyes.

"Oh, my god. Oh, my god, San. We're pregnant. WE'RE pregnant! Santana, we're having a baby!" Brittany couldn't contain her excitement. Something held her heart in her stomach, a reminder of how nervous she was yesterday, but also of how excited she was in this very moment. "San, feel my heart, feel it! It's going a million miles a minute. Santana, we're going to be MOTHERS again!"

"Britt, who said we ever stopped?" Santana had a question in her voice, but as she pulled back from Brittany, she was smiling. She laid a dark, tan hand over Brittany's chest, right above her right breast, and smiled again. "Gimme your hand," she whispered, as Brittany did as ordered. "Feel that? That's my heart, in there. In your chest. You have my heart, you have it tucked in there forever. I'm all yours. We made this little human being, and it'll be ours forever. Thank you, baby. Thank you so much," she said, exasperated, now with tears in her eyes. The two women, hand over hand on Brittany's chest, met forehead with forehead, and let what both of them had held in their hearts for the past year loose- their fear.


	5. Chapter 5

Brittany leaned back slowly against the many pillows stacked on her bed, taking a deep breath as a new wave of morning sickness ripped through her. Changing her speed instantaneously, she rushed to the adjoined bathroom just in time to make the toilet. She had been lucky. After puking all night long, she had been too slow this morning to make it to the toilet in time for her vomit to land where it should have. Needless to say, their once rose-scented bathroom now smelled of gut-wrenching decay, making her nausea a million times worse than it already was.

"It's okay Britt, it'll pass. You're doing fine, baby," she heard Santana cooing, as she felt her nails scoop up the long blonde locks off the back of her neck. She must have sneaked in when she heard the sound of Brittany's running. This was the routine they had built in the last three months. Brittany would wake up in the middle of the night and puke; Santana would rescue her hair and murmur supportive phrases into her ears until it was over. Brittany would fall asleep on the bathroom floor, and the process would repeat two or three more times in the span of the night. Then, in the morning and afternoon, she stayed still and tried to sleep, making sure not to move the wrong way, watch doctors shows on TV, or make any kind of chicken whatsoever- all things that brought the morning sickness to a climax. Santana would go to work and more often than not come home to find Brittany on her knees, yet again, chucking up all the food she had put in her. But, according to her books on pregnancy, most women's morning sickness would subside after 14 weeks. She hoped this applied to her, too, even though this morning sickness seemed worse than any she had read about or had in her last pregnancy. The worst part for Brittany, however, wasn't that she would eat just to have everything come back up or not be able to twist in bed without her guts exploding, but it was that Santana was averaging 2 or 3 hours of sleep per night and had to wake up to go to work for a 9 hour shift in the morning. She spent her nights at Brittany's side, tying her hair with an elastic band and scratching her back until the poor blonde was done retching. Even after she was done, Santana would cradle her head in her lap until Brittany was in at least some form of comfort and had returned to her dreams on the cool tile of the bathroom floor.

"Thanks," Brittany said through a sore, choked voice. "I think I'm done." She found herself relieved enough to lean back from the toilet and looked her wife in the eyes. She noticed the pain Santana held there, and couldn't help but feel the guilt Santana made so obvious, like it was her fault Brittany was puking every other hour. "Honey, what's wrong? Why are you looking me like that?"

"Britt, you shouldn't have to go through this. It isn't fair. You're in the bathroom more than you are anywhere else in this house and you can't keep anything down. It isn't fair to you."

"Hey, San," Brittany began in a slow, that's the point kind of voice, "pregnant women are _supposed_ to puke their guts up. It's kind of the main side effect of pregnancy. Besides the baby, that is." At that, Santana laughed and pulled a finger up to wipe some left over vomit from Brittany's lips. Her eyes softened and she smiled a bit, realizing that what Brittany had just said was very true.

"Look, you. Our appointment with Dr. Hudson is in an hour. If we want to make it in time and NOT kill all of the other people in his hospital from the horrible smell, if I were you, I would shower. I think you have some puke still wrapped up in your hair from this morning," Santana giggled, while tugging at some of her hardened, greenish locks. Brittany laughed along as Santana got up, helped Brittany up, and left to go finish some paperwork that had interrupted by Brittany's puking.

Brittany pulled at the elastic waistband of her sweatpants, tugging them off of her newly-acquired baby bump. At 13 weeks, she was definitely showing through her shirt. After all of their friends found out she was pregnant, Brittany became the most talked about friend in their small circuit. Apparently being the pregnant lesbian who had recently had a miscarriage was a big deal. Santana was annoyed by it and often stuck up for Brittany defensively when others who knew their history would give her sympathetic glances. Santana wasn't one who liked to be pitied. She was too pride-ridden for sympathy. Brittany ran her hands up and down her swell and couldn't help but smile. She thought about how this would have felt 6 months ago. She knew looking into this mirror back then she would have been puking from nerves and anxiety, not because of the normal reasons.

She pulled off her t-shirt and examined her body one more time before turning the shower on. Something was different. The way her bump stuck out this time was far different from her last pregnancy, and she seemed to be growing faster. _Oh well, I'll take _that_ as a good sign any day,_ she thought to herself reassuringly. Taking off the last of her attire, Brittany hopped into the shower and began catching the cool water droplets in her still sore throat, instantly relieving the pain. In the shower with the cool water surrounding her, this was the only place she could move freely without being victim of her nausea. She scrubbed at her scalp, getting any chunks of left over vomit completely gone, and then scrubbed at her sculpted, naked body, picture perfect from dancing all her life and with the tiniest but noticeable bump of an infant. When she got out of the shower, she smelled and looked like her normal self. She dressed and finished her old morning routine, from before she was pregnant, and when she looked into the full length mirror, she was astonished at what she had created. No longer was she Brittany with the oversized t-shirts Puck gave her, hair in a bun on her head, and sweatpants that made her look like any other soccer mom. Now, she was the old Brittany. The one who wore skinny jeans- now with an elastic waistband- and cashmere sweaters with little white pearls down the shoulders and a white silk scarf that cascaded her neck and bust, and tall black boots that made her look like a professional mom. With her hair in a flowing blonde waterfall down her back and her make up in check, she looked like a model you would see in any pregnancy magazine. Like always, Brittany looked amazing.

"Well, well," Brittany turned to see Santana leaning against the door frame of their walk in closet. "I could totally get used to seeing this every day." Smiling, Santana waltzed up behind her wife and snaked her arms around Brittany's sides, cradling the baby under its mothers' laced fingers. "You're lucky you have such a pretty momma." Santana leaned her head down past Brittany's shoulders and whispered to the baby they both loved so much. Santana leaned back up and pecked a smooth, ginger kiss on Brittany's cheek. Brittany turned around and Santana pulled her arms over Brittany's shoulders, embracing her warmly before Brittany pulled back.

"_Two_ pretty mommas. Two, San." Brittany corrected her wife, something other people wouldn't dare do. But instead of being angry like she would have if it were anyone else, Santana just smiled and gave Brittany a long, deep kiss- a kiss that left them both hungry for more.

"Ah ah, we have a doctor's appointment, like, _now_," Brittany said as she glanced at her watch. At that, Santana just moaned in frustration. The two hurriedly gathered their purses and rushed out of the house, into the garage. The blue 4 Runner they'd bought a few months ago looked new as ever, and they climbed onto the high leather seats comfortably. As the SUV sailed out of the neighborhood, Brittany couldn't stop thinking about this baby. "What do you think it'll be? Boy? Girl?"

"Hm." Santana thought for a moment before responding. "I think boy. Something about the way you're carrying the baby this time, it's not like last time with Bella. I'm going with boy."

"Well, then I guess my guess has to be girl then, huh?" Brittany said with a little giggle. The last time they had been pregnant, they decided they would each choose a gender they thought or hoped the baby would be. Last time, Brittany was right. So, she got to choose Bella's name.

"We'll see what Finn says," Santana started. "But I'm telling you. It's a boy." The two just laughed at their childish banter and joined hands subconsciously. The rest of the way to the clinic, Brittany thought to herself that she didn't care what gender the baby was. As long as he or she was healthy, and had two happy mommies at the end of the day, that was all she really cared about. She rubbed Santana's hand with her thumb, and was content.


	6. Chapter 6

The two women walked hand in hand up the hospital lawn. Santana was completely irritated- out of the corner of her eye, she could see people checking the couple out, obviously judging Brittany's baby bump in a way only 'God-squad-ers' would. She rolled her eyes and did her best to shield their glares from Brittany, who always seemed a bit more hurt by it. It wasn't that Santana cared at all what they thought. The last time she even felt the least bit ashamed of her relationship with Brittany was her junior year of high school. Since then, she had been only proud and open with her relationship. Brittany, on the other hand, was more fragile. She knew she loved Santana and didn't care what others thought about it, but public ventures like this, with the two women making such a public display of their relationship often caused passerby to stop and stare. Brittany didn't think it was fair for such a simple action as hand holding to be pointed out so extremely when any heterosexual couple doing the same thing would be left alone to their own devices. For her, it wasn't just. Santana always did her best to block Brittany from these circumstances when she saw them first, not only to protect Britt, but to also keep her spirits up. Nothing was like Brittany's perkiness.

Up the stairs and eventually the elevator, Dr. Hudson's office was in the West Wing of the hospital- the Obstetrics/Pediatrics wing. His office was on the 5th floor, him being one of the four obstetricians on staff. Santana checked Brittany in and the two sat in the waiting room. Brittany picked up an American Baby magazine off the little side table to her left while Santana grabbed a copy of the Cosmopolitan off of one of the stands against the waiting room wall. Laughing, she realized how much Brittany had grown up in the past two years, and she couldn't help but feel a little childish herself, with such a teen-based magazine.

Around 10 minutes later, a middle-aged nurse in white scrubs with pink kittens and bunnies called out Brittany's name from the waiting room entrance. Her and Santana stood up and made their way through the maze of chairs and pregnant women, greeting the nurse with smiles that were contagious in this part of the hospital. She smiled back and Santana furrowed her brow in confusion a bit, certain she'd seen that smile before. She shrugged the feeling off, following Brittany down a very bright yellow painted hallway covered in pictures of babies and mommies and daddies. Santana smiled, wondering if one day her and Brittany would have a picture of them with their baby on the wall, too.

"Right in here," the woman said, smiling at Brittany as she did so. She turned around in front of the door, just long enough to see her name badge. _Lauren Fredrickson. _Santana's eyes widened in recognition.

"ZIZES? Holy crap, it's you!" Santana laughed at the ridiculous amount of time it had taken her to recognize her long-ago friend. If you could call her a friend, that is. Lauren and Santana had never been friends, per say, but being in glee club at McKinley made everyone in the club at least some form "friends". Thinking back to that year, Santana suddenly realized what had made Lauren so hard to identify- the once obese teenager had flourished into a very small, very beautiful woman. Brittany hadn't said anything; she was just waiting for Lauren's reply.

"I knew when I saw your chart that there could only be one Brittany Pierce-Lopez in the world. I just wanted to see if either of you would recognize me first," Lauren responded with a giggle. The three women entered the baby pink room filled with doctors' equipment and plush white chairs and a sterling sink. There was an ultrasound machine in the far corner, along with a fetal Doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. Lauren pulled a pair of red rimmed glasses onto the bridge of her nose and flipped through Brittany's file. "Oh," she said, suddenly cautious, "I'm so sorry about the last baby."

Santana had almost forgotten that would be in the file. Of course, it was the same hospital, same doctors, why wouldn't it be? "It's okay," Brittany started. "We've adjusted. Now we're just ready for this one to be out already!" Brittany giggled a little, running her hands over her protruding belly. At going on 14 weeks, she was bigger than the last pregnancy. Santana secretly fantasized over the thought of twins. The odds were high with invitro, but she didn't care if it was one or two. She was thrilled either way. While Lauren closed the blood pressure cuff around Brittany's upper arm, Santana let her mind soar.

"Um, Santana." She heard Brittany's voice, and it sounded a little worried. She flashed her eyes open, only to realize she had fallen asleep. Brittany turned to Lauren and said, "I've been keeping her up all night with my puking." She looked a little guilty, but giggled when she saw Santana stick her tongue out in Brittany's direction.

"All right, you two. Let's get this baby show on the road." Lauren walked to the corner and wheeled the ultrasound machine to the right of Brittany's bed. Brittany worked to pull the skin-tight sweater over her bump and pushed down the elastic of her jeans while Lauren tucked some blue paper around the corners of her clothes, so no ultrasound transmission gel would get on her clothing.

"Geez! Cold enough?" Brittany yelped as Lauren squirted the blue gel onto her stomach. Santana had had the same thing screamed at her at the beach not long ago when careless Brittany got sunburnt, and Santana had convinced her to put some aloe on it. "Phew," Brittany breathed out, when the gel had settled. Santana got up from her chair and went to stand beside her wife, noticing little goosebumps on her stomach from where the gel had made her cold.

"At 14 weeks, I might not be able to identify the gender, but we'll see," Lauren said before scanning Brittany's stomach with the wand. Brittany squealed with excitement, and Santana had to contain herself as to not jump for joy. She had butterflies going every which way in her own stomach, and she wasn't even the pregnant one. She couldn't even imagine how excited Brittany must be. Her nerves were studded to a halt as she heard Lauren do a lot of clicking, and saw a line of confusion drift across Lauren's face. She put the wand down carefully, and said, "I'll be right back. Give me a quick minute." Brittany, too entranced on the frozen screen, hadn't seemed to notice what Santana had. Santana followed Lauren out of the hall and spun her around.

"What's going on, Zizes? Is the baby okay?" Santana's excitement had faded drastically into a desolate sense of fear. With all that was in her, she sent up a silent prayer that this baby was okay- she knew for a fact Brittany couldn't handle losing another child. Her voice changed from angry to scared. "What the hell is going on, Lauren?"

"Listen, Santana, go back into the room. I need to go get Finn. I promise, your baby is just fine. Give me one minute. I promise everything's alright." Santana listened to her reassuring voice. Surely Lauren wouldn't tell her everything was okay if it wasn't. She did as she was told and walked back into the room to find Brittany still gazing at the ultrasound screen, brow furrowed, and Santana knew she was trying to figure the darn thing out. Santana knew nothing about these machines. The only times she had experienced them had been when Britt was pregnant with Bella, and when she went with Quinn to her own ultrasound appointment when Puck wasn't able to get off work in time. Mackenzie was 2 now, and her older sister, Beth, was 16 and kept in touch with Quinn and Puck often, even though she was adopted by Shelby. Beth adored Mackenzie- they looked just alike, both taking after their mother with blonde hair and hazel eyes. Kenzie often came over to Santana and Brittany's house when Quinn got called into work at night. She loved going to Auntie Itny and Aunty Tannie's house. They spoiled her silly.

Now, looking at Brittany studying her own sonogram, she couldn't wait for a little Kenzie of their own. Except instead of being Auntie Itny, Brittany would be mommy. And instead of being Auntie Tannie, Santana would be mommy, too.

"Good morning, ladies!" A more-positive-than-necessary Finn walked into the room, fresh cut and with a shirt that showed off the same arms he had in high school. Santana and Brittany both greeted him with excitement of their own, and Finn went to work with the wand laid on the silver tray next to Brittany's bed. He waved it over her stomach and settled it a little left of the center of Brittany's belly. The screen came to life and suddenly there were moving parts all around the gray monitor, confusing Brittany further. Santana was just happy to see something _moving._ Finn smiled a little and breathed a quick breath while shaking his head- he almost looked a little shocked. He his fingers through his hair and looked down at Santana, obviously confused by his body language. "San, Britt. I can't believe I'm saying this…" At this point, Santana had grabbed Brittany's hand tight to her chest, her actions making her nerves clear as day. "Guys- you're definitely pregnant. But- it's not one baby." He laughed at himself and showed the couple the sonogram in detail. "See these little bags? Those are all babies."

"Whoa. Wait a minute, Finn. There are FOUR of those there. Are you saying there are four babies?" Santana could feel a whole new pressure lay down on her heart. She saw Finn nodding and smiling, and she looked down to see Brittany in complete shock. They had held off an ultrasound appointment for a few months, and NOW they were finding out they were having quadruplets? Santana couldn't believe her ears.

"Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god." Brittany repeated over and over again. Then, she smiled. To Santana, she said, "San- FOUR."

Santana just smiled along with her. Brittany was shocked, but happy. There were four baby Pierce-Lopez's in there. All for them. Santana bent down to her wife and whispered in her ear, "We did it."


	7. Chapter 7

Brittany held her head high as she walked around Little Treasures, a quaint baby boutique that had opened a few years ago in Lima. It was Friday, and with Santana working, Brittany was left to fend for herself during the day. But even though she was very, _very _pregnant with quads at 18 weeks, she refused to stay in the house looking at the walls all day. She knew Finn would have her on bed rest soon, but she just couldn't keep still, knowing in just a few months she would have four tiny lives to care for. She couldn't believe it had been one month since she and Santana had learned about their quads. In the span of a month they had bought 3 more cribs, another changing table, and plenty of preemie diapers. Finn told Brittany and Santana early on that sonograms would become more and more frequent as the babies got bigger. So far, they had had two since they found out there were four babies in there. At the last one, they had found out the genders of the babies. It was a perfect split- two boys, two girls.

Walking around Little Treasures, Brittany fingered the delicate hats and bows for the baby girls and the jumpers and the blankets and the binkies and the toys. All of these things were going to be vital for their babies. Looking now like a full-term pregnant mother of just one baby, many people would stop her in town and say, "My, you look like you're just about ready to pop!" Brittany would just laugh and shake her head, knowing in the back of her mind it could be a while before these babies arrive.

Finally picking out 2 soft, cotton pink hats with large white flowers on the side for the girls and two blue binkies with pictures of sports memorabilia in the middle for the boys, Brittany pushed her large belly through the crowded boutique, past walls of shoes and racks of dresses, not to mention the people, and she made it to the cash register all in one piece.

"How CUTE!" Rachel had popped up beside Brittany and started touching the little hats delicately, as if she could break them. "Britt, I can't even tell you how excited I am for these babies. I'm itching for them to come out already!" Rachel had stopped by the house this morning and convinced Brittany let her take her shopping. Even though Brittany's feet felt like they were going to fall off and it felt like a bowling ball was pressing down on her bladder, Brittany had accepted because she couldn't stand the thought of staying home another day, watching The Simpsons or Grey's Anatomy while stuffing her face with the weird cravings she'd been having. Santana had found Brittany's appeal to Doritos with sour cream and pickles merely disgusting when she came home to find Brittany preparing her concoction for dinner one night, and refused to kiss her with the disgusting smell on her breath.

After Brittany had paid for her items, the girl behind the check-out counter placed them in a pink and black striped paper bag, and stuffed zebra tissue paper down into the bag for decoration. _This girl must be able to read my mind, _Brittany thought jokingly. She thanked the girl, and with Rachel at her side, glided out of the store to the Pierce-Lopez family's new ride- a Volkswagon Routan. They had traded in their little SUV, knowing four large baby seats would never fit comfortably in the backseat. This new van was much more open, and had every little technological advance you could think of. Rachel sat behind the wheel as Brittany climbed into the backseat. At this point in her pregnancy, Brittany was unable to fit behind the dashboard without it rubbing against her stomach uncomfortably, much less the steering wheel. Rachel started the car, and pulling away, Brittany automatically knew something was going on. Rachel had a huge smile on her face, and Brittany couldn't think of a single reason why. Brittany chose to play with her friend. "So, Rachel. Where are we going now?"

"Home! I figured you must be tired with all of the walking around you've been doing all day," she replied. Brittany saw through Rachel bite her lip through the rear-view mirror. This meant she was biting back a smile.

"Mhm," Brittany replied, not wanting Rachel to give anything away. Obviously something was up, and she didn't want to find out what it was until she was supposed to.

On the upcoming road, Brittany knew turning left would take her back home. When the car did, indeed, turn, Brittany felt a little pang of guilt. Maybe Rachel hadn't been lying. _There I go judging people's intentions again,_ Brittany thought. But, as they took another turn through the large neighborhood, Brittany saw car after car lining the street. She wondered what was going on, but didn't think anything of it. Until, that is, they got to her house. Cars were spilling down the long, winding driveway, all looking for a place to park on the gravel or in the grass. Rachel grinned wider than ever while Brittany sat back in amazement at the amount of cars that were surrounding her house- make that her entire street! The big van pulled into the garage, and Santana was at the door to help Brittany out when it opened.

"Welcome home, baby," she said through a contagious grin. "Surprise!" She smiled and laughed as Brittany waddled out of the car and fell into Santana's arms, open with a love bigger than the entire universe. Santana helped her up the steps and through the garage door, into the kitchen where many people were already gathered, chatting and eating finger foods. The interior of the house, from what she could see, was draped in pink and blue banners and balloons were gathered all along the ceiling, some already losing their helium, on the ground. All of it was so unlike the house she had left behind just a few hours ago.

"How- how did you _do_ all of this?" Brittany stammered out through tears. Brittany was beyond shock. Santana was never the party planner type- that always fell into the hands of Brittany.

"Quinn and Rachel suggested a baby shower before you went on bed rest, and Kurt and Blaine took control when they heard the word PARTY come out of someone's mouth. They've been planning this all week. All these people are here for _you_, honey! Isn't it incredible?"

Brittany just searched the house with shock, eyes filled with tears as person after person came up to hug her and tell her how happy they were for their family. After she had greeted at least 100 people, Brittany made her way into the living room, where everyone seemed to be gathered already. Their living room was the biggest room in the house, after the basement. It had a two story ceiling and windows that covered the whole length of the back wall, flooding the house with light during the day and darkness at night. She and Santana had made a habit out of turning the couches in the early mornings to watch the sunrise. That was one of the main reasons they had fallen in love with this place. Through the windows she could see kids from 10 to 2 running around, recognizing a few along the way. She saw Mackenzie, who was playing with Eliana, Mercedes and Sam's daughter. She saw Simon, Blaine and Kurt's 6 year old, running around with Tina and Mike's son, Jordan. Looking at all of them in a bounce house set up by God knows who, she started thinking about the four little people she had inside her at this very moment, and whispered to Santana, "I think we need a jungle gym." Santana looked up in confusion when Kurt started talking from the front of the room.

"Hello, hello? Testing, one two. Ah. Friends, family, we're all here today to celebrate the enormous gift Brittany and Santana have been blessed with. FOUR babies! Britt, I can't even tell you how excited we all are for you guys." Looking up, Blaine started talking. "About a year ago, tragedy struck. Bella, one of the cutest baby girls in the world, didn't get to finish out her life. I remember being there after the birth, and holding Brittany while she cried. My son, Simon, he asked why that kind of thing could happen to such good people, and I told him I didn't know. But now, Britt and Santana get to have another shot at parenthood- This time, with four babies instead of one. And to celebrate that, but more importantly, congratulate the family, we have prepared something special for the two- well, _six_ of you." Blaine's charm had swooned even Santana, who was straighter than parallel lines. Brittany nestled her head into the crook of Santana's neck and watched person after person step up to the front of the room. Kurt and Blaine. Rachel and Finn. Mercedes and Sam. Puck and Quinn. Tina and Mike. Artie. Lauren. Sugar. Even Mr. Schue and Mrs. Pillsbury, who had been married for 15 years, now came up. Mr. Schue and Puck had their guitars on their shoulders, and sweet music began to pour into the room. Brittany recognized the tune-Baby of Mine, by Allison Krauss. This song was played at Bella's memorial, too. Santana grabbed Brittany's hand and wiped tears that were already streaming down her cheeks away softly.

"Baby mine, don't you cry," Blaine started.

"Baby mine, dry your eyes," sang Sam.

"Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, babies of mine," Mercedes and Rachel synchronized together, creating a harmony that had always been special between the two of them.

"Little ones, when you play," now Mike's voice, sang out.

"Don't you mind what they say," Finn hit the high note perfectly- singing had always been a strong suit of his.

"Let those eyes sparkle and shine, never a tear, babies of mine." Quinn and Tina rang out in perfect pitch, easing melodies into the air that were perfect in every way.

"If they knew sweet little you, they'd end up loving you, too," sand out Mr. & Mrs. Schuester.

Suddenly, all the voices rang out in song together. "All those same people who scold you, what they'd give just for the right to hold you." Rachel and Quinn joined hands, both with tears welling up.

"From your head down to your toes," sang a now crying Kurt. "You're not much, goodness knows."

Then all the voices rang together and sang, "But you're so precious to me, sweet as can be, babies of mine."

Mercedes finished the song, with her tears streaming as well, with the ending high note, "Babies of mine."

Brittany saw Puck stop strumming to rub away the tears in his eyes, and saw Artie look up at the ceiling to try and stop his. The group simultaneously stepped from the front of the room, down to Santana and Brittany, and one after one, hugs and kisses were exchanged in the group. Everyone crying, the room had become silent. One after one, though, hands began clapping. The house was finally shuddering with applause as Brittany held each one of her friends close to her heart. So many people were here just for her and these babies. These special little babies were so loved already, and they hadn't even been born. Brittany tottered over to Santana and slipped up from behind, lacing her fingers between Santana's. "I love you, and these babies, SO much," she breathed down Santana's neck. "Thank you."


	8. Chapter 8

"Move to the left, you're not in the center of the camera! Britt, your other left, honey." Santana wasn't much of a director, and with an enormously pregnant- not to mention direction-deprived- Brittany on her hands, she had a huge task on taking this week's picture. Every week since they had found out about all four babies, Santana had had Brittany pose to take a picture of her ever growing stomach. Now at 28 weeks, she was huge. Bigger than huge, Santana thought. But she would never tell Brittany that.

"Is this good? Am I in the middle now?" Brittany mocked Santana, and Santana giggled in return. Something about Brittany's bubbly personality these days was a real turn on for her. But, of course, there was nothing Santana could do about that anymore, for the forces of the universe had spoken, and pregnant Brittany refused to do anything racier than a quick make out session after Santana got home from work. Santana was obviously irritated by the lack of romance lately, but she knew with everything from out of control weight gain and stretch marks to bed rest and the struggle of picking out baby names, the pregnancy was taking its toll on her wife. Brittany almost never got stressed due to the lack of effort she put into most things. But with four tiny lives to care for, she had become most irritable when Santana tried to bring the moves onto her.

"Perfect," Santana breathed, quickly snapping the bright blue button on top of the camera. She stared at the face of the camera screen. Brittany was glowing, something that Santana found vaguely strange. She had always thought the "glow" was a myth, something people would say to pregnant women just to make them feel better about their fattening bodies and petulant attitudes. But she started to notice after the first few weeks, whenever someone found out about the pregnancy, Brittany would, well, GLOW. In all of the pictures she took of Brittany, Santana noticed the certain glow surrounding her wife. It was in the way she would smile a little wider than usual while talking about the babies, or when she would dream out loud about all the things she and Santana would do with them after all the babies were born, too. Talking about the little princes and princesses inside of her was like nothing else for Brittany. It was simply her pride and joy- her defining glow.

Brittany pulled the ill-fitting pink V-neck back down over her stomach, a large feat considering she couldn't even clasp her hands together around it; her belly was that far-stretched. About a month ago, there had been complications in the pregnancy and Finn had told them that it should be expected to deliver as early as 27 weeks. He said that making it to 28 would be, simply put, a miracle. But Brittany pretty much stopped moving at all after that. She said she'd rather waste away in her bed for three more months if it meant increasing the chances of all four babies being healthy at birth.

Santana kept working despite Brittany's bed rest, knowing that if they planned to not go dirt poor she had better bring some money home for her now online-shopping-crazed wife. After she went into college, Santana decided she wanted to be a lawyer. It was something she felt she could do well, considering she got her way in almost every argument she had ever had. The job was proof of that, and she had always had a steady flow of clients wanting her defense. Even though she loved her job, all she wanted to do was lie down with Brittany all day, eating fattening foods and watching Disney movies Brittany had asked Puck remove from their attic. But they both knew this couldn't happen, not like they both dreamed of. Instead, Brittany was catered by whichever friend was willing to stop by and accompany her for a few hours each day, whether it be Rachel, Quinn, Kurt, Blaine, even Lauren had stopped by a few times to sit with her and make her food.

On the weekends, though, Santana didn't work, and she dedicated all her time to the five people who meant the most to her. They spent their Saturdays and Sundays online-shopping for bottles and booties and binkies galore! Santana would rub Brittany's aching feet, which were now swelled twice their size. She told Brittany repeatedly if she were not pregnant with four babies, she wouldn't be doing this right now. But Santana just laughed at herself, knowing even if it WAS just one baby, she'd probably be doing the same thing. She loved her wife _that_ much. It was… unexplainable. Brittany had an indescribable pull on Santana.

"You know, you'd think the human body has some sort of "error message" that goes off when it feels like your skin is going to rip apart from four babies growing below it." She took a deep breath, looking down at what she called the "happy sack". "Things would be _so_ much easier if I was a kangaroo."

Santana giggled, and pushed her wife gently from behind, beckoning her to return to the spot she had spent the last month and a half in- her bed. Their bed was huge, a king sized, four poster, mahogany, jungle gym with intricate carving up and down the sides. It was planted against the far wall of their bedroom, facing the back of the house. Their bedroom, like the living room, had huge windows that allowed them to see the sunrise in the mornings, if they wanted. But ever since they moved in, the long, red floor length curtains had almost always stayed drawn in front of the windows, letting Brittany sleep in every morning. Especially lately, she had made it a point for the curtains to be closed tightly, letting no light whatsoever into the room. Santana would call the house at 1:30 in the afternoon to check on her, and Brittany would still be sleeping. The only reason she would wake up in the afternoons at all was because of her hunger. She was eating for five now, and Santana ended up grocery shopping twice or three times a week just to keep the pantry from going empty.

Brittany fell onto the bed in a helpless splat, not moving off her side at all once she landed on the puffy mattress. Santana rounded the bed to her side and climbed in, lying down to face Britt. The intimacy of their closeness intrigued Brittany, but not nearly enough to make her put some effort into moving her position in the bed. This, oddly, was one of the most comfortable moments she had had today. "Britt. I love you," Santana whispered. "You look beautiful, ya know." Brittany just laughed at her doting wife and pecked her on the nose, leaning up a bit. After moving that much, she just sat up all together, balancing her belly perfectly in between her thighs.

"Names. We gotta do names, San. What happens if these babies pop out randomly one day? They come into the world nameless? Uh, uh. I don't think so." Brittany had been pushing naming the babies on Santana for some time now, but Santana hadn't really ever cared. But watching Brittany sift through the large stacks of baby name books piled in the corner of the room for the past three months, Santana realized she didn't want her babies named something ridiculous, like Elmer or Hillary- both names Brittany adored.

Brittany waddled over to the corner where the baby books were kept and grabbed two. Climbing back over the edge of the mattress and plopping against the four big pillows behind her, she handed one to Santana, and began going through the other herself. Santana weakly pulled hers under her nose, and grabbed her reading glasses off the nightstand beside her. She was beyond pissed off when she was prescribed glasses. She was 32 years old, for crying out loud. She was thankful, though, for her still jet black hair and wrinkle free complexion. She couldn't complain about her body, either. But in all reality, she had convinced herself that getting a few gray hairs would be better than having to get glasses. It was ludicrous. She could dye her hair for heaven's sake, but she couldn't do a darn thing about sucky vision. Nevertheless, Santana dropped the brown frames onto her nose and began flipping random pages through this book. She flipped the book over for a minute, glancing at the title. "The Baby Name Wizard." _Tacky,_ she thought to herself. But for Brittany's sake she just kept looking.

"Brenda? Sandy? Tonya? What kinds of names are these?" Santana had a disgusted look on her face, imagining the looks of shock her friends would have on their faces if she came home from the hospital with these ridiculous names for her babies. Times were too modern for such old fashioned names like these.

"Santana, it's gonna take a while before you find the ones worth noting. Just give it a chance, will you? Lighten up a bit!"

Santana tossed page after page into the air until one name caught her eye. It was in the girl division of the book. Still looking at the name, she lifted her arm and slowly hit Brittany in the chest.

"What, man?" Brittany replied but didn't look up.

"Britt… I found one," Santana said with a laugh in her throat. "I found a name."

Brittany, now very curious, looked down on the book were Santana's perfectly painted pink nail lay right under it. "I…I love it." She looked at Santana, who was staring at her and smiling. Santana leaned in and gave Brittany a deep kiss, a kiss that held all of her love inside it. And just like before, but with a more positive spirit on Santana's side, the two women went back to searching for the perfect names.


	9. Chapter 9

There was something wrong, Brittany could feel it. She didn't know if it might be the new medicines she was on, anxiety from being on bed rest in the hospital now, at 34 weeks, or if something was really wrong with one of her babies. Her mother had always told her you can't mistake anything for a mother's instinct. But in her heart Brittany could tell there was something very, very wrong.

"Britt… What's wrong?" Santana was looking right at her, with an obvious look of panic and worry spread cleanly across her face. She'd been here all weekend, only leaving twice to shower and come straight back. Now, she was slung sideways, her knees sprawled over one of the arms of a complimentary hospital chair, her back against the other, flipping through a People magazine. When Brittany didn't reply, only gaped wordless noise, Santana quickly bolted upright in her chair. "Do I need to get a nurse? Brittany?"

Brittany had known for the past month that delivery should be expected soon- make that _very_ soon. But try as she might, she kept those babies in for 34 weeks- far longer than what anyone had anticipated. Sitting here with her wife watching a movie like normal, she didn't want to deliver today. Or tomorrow. She didn't want Santana to worry about her, either, but the chances of that happening were slim to none. But even though she didn't want San to worry, she knew for a fact something was happening in her body that shouldn't be, so saying 'no, everything's fine' like she wanted to was not an option. "There's something wrong with one of the babies."

No sooner had Brittany spat out "babies" before Santana was on her feet, on a rampage to find a nurse as quickly as she could. Brittany let her head fall back and sent a long, hard prayer to a god she hoped existed, like her mother always said He did. A nurse in purple scrubs with wide framed glasses came running in, an ultrasound from the hall wheeled in front of her.

Brittany was in a daze. She didn't see the nurse hike up the front side of her nightgown, didn't feel the nurse squirt the cool gel onto her stomach, and didn't hear the panic in the woman's voice when she called into the hall, "I need an open ER NOW. Somebody page Hudson!" All Brittany could feel between the time Santana left and the moment her bed was wheeled from the room, down the hall in what seemed like the speed of light, was Santana squeezing her hand, not firmly, but not gently either. A hospital cap was squeezed onto Brittany's head, the male nurse who was doing so swiping Britt's bangs back into the cap. Two huge doors opened, another pair, and another pair, until finally a dim, dark room was surrounding her. At least, it was dark until huge bright white lights were centered right over her.

Santana, who had apparently let her hand go at one point, was now at her side again, this time in a set of pink scrubs with a cap on her own head, tears glistening in her eyes. She leaned into Brittany's head and she knew Santana was smelling the coconut scent of her hair. She intertwined her fingers into Santana's and whispered an almost inaudible, "I love you", before a blue sheet was put up in front of Brittany's large, mountainous stomach and Finn walked in and said, "Alrighty, Brittany. You're gonna have four babies this evening."


	10. Chapter 10

Santana paced back and forth in front of two big wooden doors, waiting for them to sway open and release her wife into the main part of the hospital again. She knew in the nursery there were four little people ready to be held, and she knew there were around 20 people in the waiting room anxious to see the new parents, and even more so, the newest additions to the world. But for all that she was worth, Santana couldn't go hold those babies or meet with those people until Brittany was back into her arms. Finally giving up on pacing Brittany out of the ER, she felt backed herself up against a cool white wall, making her shudder due to the amount of sweat running between her shoulder blades. She fell down, letting her feet take her to the floor. She tilted her head back against the brick and met darkness.

Santana felt a nudge on her knee. Looking up she saw Rachel and Quinn standing above her. Now looking at her watch, she realized she had fallen asleep. "Come on, sleepy head. You have four people to go meet!" Rachel was holding back tears as she helped Santana to her feet, swaying a little as the blood rushed back up to her head.

She walked with Rachel's arm around her shoulders and Quinn's hand in hers to a room where Brittany sat upright in bed, tears streaming down her face. Santana dashed away from her friends and to her wife, who sat crying, arms outstretched for Santana. Santana buried her face into Brittany's neck and embraced her with a closeness that was unimportantly interrupted with a 34 week quadruplet-pregnant stomach in between them. Now Brittany was much smaller and Santana held her with all her might. "Are you ready to meet our babies?"

Brittany looked up to Santana and nodded, too choked up in tears to reply with words. A nurse from the side helped Brittany into her wheelchair, and Santana pushed her, following a new nurse, down to a room with a shut door with a whiteboard that had the name "Pierce" written on it. The nurse pushed the door open slowly and Santana and Brittany forced their way in to find four beds with tiny babies in them, two with pink sheets, two with blue.

"Hi, Mrs. Pierce," a nurse already in the room greeted Brittany and nodded kindly in Santana's direction. "I'm Georgia, and I've been with your babies since birth. They're all doing amazing. The only one with a little trouble is baby D. She's been having a really hard time breathing, but I'm sure she'll catch up to speed very quickly. Now, if you have them figured out, you can just let me know their legal names and I'll fill out the information for their birth certificates." Brittany nodded in approval, but Santana hadn't heard a word the woman just said. She was too entranced in the four tiny faces, sitting right in front of them. And this woman was the only thing blocking them from meeting their children.

The nurse moved out of their way, and Santana slowly wheeled Brittany up to the first baby to the left- her pink blankets and a white card with an A drawn on it told them this was their first baby. "Kaia," Brittany murmured. "Kaia Logan Pierce-Lopez." Kaia was one of Brittany's eggs, clearly. She had the same light as air hair, wispy and so blonde. Santana would put money on the chance of her having Brittany's eyes as well. She was beautiful.

Brittany wheeled on to the second baby, this one a boy- Baby B. "His name is Nicolas- Nicolas Owen Pierce-Lopez, after Santana's grandpa." Nico was an egg definitely from Santana. Santana laughed whole heartedly as she looked at the precious baby boy. He was squirming quite a bit, very uncomfortable, it seemed. He was fussy, so much like Santana already. And he was only 2 hours old!

"Do you want to hold him?" The nurse asked smiling very brightly, and Santana just smiled as she lifted the baby carefully, blue blankets and all, and cradled him in her arms.

"Hi, Nico!" she cooed, "I'm your mommy. Well, I'm one of your mommies anyway." Santana smiled and looked down to see Brittany stroking the little black hairs popping out of Nico's orange sized head. He smiled the tiniest bit and Santana was instantly in love.

"Okay, Baby C," Brittany started, giggling a bit. "His name is Jett Julian Pierce-Lopez. A fierce name with spunk, I like to call it!" Brittany leaned down face to face with Jett and kissed him gently on the nose- he looked like her, just like Kaia, and Brittany placed her finger into his tiny fist. Santana walked around Brittany's wheelchair to Baby D. She was having the most trouble, wires and tubes coming out of her hands and head and mouth. "Poor thing," Brittany started pouting her lip, though she really looked like she was about to cry. "This little girl's name is Finley. Finley Penelope Pierce-Lopez, after the doctor who worked so hard to create her!" Santana, still holding Nico, walked in front of Finley, who was a replica of baby pictures Santana's mom kept. She had the same dark hair and dark skin and furrowed brow- she looked just like Bella. Although, Santana could almost bet the chances of Finnie's eyes being the same bright blue would be slim to none. Either way, she was perfect. Just like Brittany, just like Bella. Just like Nico and Jett and Kaia, Finley was perfect, no matter how many tubes and strings are attached to her little body.

Santana went back to Nico's bed and placed him gently head first into the soft foamy mattress. She planted a kiss on his forehead and went up behind Brittany, who had gone back to Kaia for another round of investigation of the four little people in front of her. Santana kissed Brittany's head gingerly, and put her arms around her neck, bending a little as she did so. No words had to be exchanged between the two women for either to know exactly what the other was thinking.

"We made it."


	11. Chapter 11

"MOOOOOOOOOM". The never ending boom of teenage footsteps chased down the stairs in a hurry, and Brittany could distinctly pick out the lightweight girls from the bulky boys. _I'm getting too old for this, _she thought to herself. High school was every day from 8 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. Then, Hornet Cheer practice was for two hours, football for three. The kids normally never got home until 6 every night, but today was a special occasion. The Lopez-Pierce family was skipping town to go back to little ole Lima, Ohio. No practice for the quads for the next week! But, of course, Brittany being Brittany, she forgot all about the occasion. Hearing 8 feet running fast paced down the basement stairs caught her off guard for a minute before she realized what day it was. She was running on the treadmill, trying to get a quick workout in before Santana got home from work. One of the perks of having four popular, sports-crazed teenagers was that they were insanely too busy to want to come home early, so Santana and Brittany usually had an hour or two to get their sweet lady kisses on and, if Britt was lucky, a little more on Santana's part. "Mom, get off. Please. We're DYING of hunger."

Brittany slowed the treadmill to a walking pace and looked down at Finley, the most dictating of their children. She was always screaming for someone to do something for her, just like Santana always did. "What would you like, darling?" Brittany always ended up spoiling her regardless, climbing down from the treadmill now, and wiping a towel across her forehead and neck. Studying Finley, she realized how much of Santana was truly in her. Finnie grew up harder than the other quads had it. She was a sick baby, on machines and not gaining any weight, on a much lower scale than her siblings. While Kaia grew and grew, Finnie just could never catch up. But a few years ago, she had once and for all decided to be a cheerleader. Both her mothers were, so she said it was her fate anyway. It was the same with Kaia. Kaia knew long before Finley did, being a gymnast for years and years before she even started cheering. Kaia was the complete opposite of Finley with Brittany's deep blue eyes and fairy blonde hair, and a much less shifty attitude. Kaia was the more laid back of the two girls, but still had her sparky side, just as Brittany. Both girls were replicas of their respective mothers, making them completely different in some ways, but totally the same in others. But because of their physical appearance, no stranger on the street would take them as siblings. However, if you got the boys involved, it was another story. Nico and Finley together looked like not only twins, but clones with different plumbing and brunette haircuts. In every way, they looked and acted just the same, both as loud and rambunctious as Santana, yet sweet hearted and caring as Brittany. Kaia and Jett were the same way, taking more towards Brittany's personality. Jett was more loud and rambunctious like San, but nowhere near as such as Finley and Nico combined. Jett was more the brains of the family, ironically. Nico had the harder time in school. Finley frankly didn't care enough to try, and Kaia tried but had a harder time like her mother.

"Can you make those cookies you made for dessert last weekend at the mixer for Rachel and Finn? Those were too DIE for, Mom." Finnie put a lot of emphasis on her words, most of the time. Who does that sound like?

"Sure, honey. Are you finished packing? Kaia? Are you?" Brittany's mind soared thinking about how many bags were going to end up in the back of their Escalade in the next 5 hours. She started the trek up the stairs toward the kitchen, reminding the girls to bring certain items she herself would forget later on. "And where are the boys? Are they done packing? NICO! JETT!"_ Screaming is the only dern way to communicate in this house, sometimes,_ she thought to herself. The house was huge. On the main floor was the gourmet kitchen Brittany had learned to love over the years, the den, where the family spent most of the night time together, the master bedroom, Santana's favorite room, the laundry room, the garage, and Santana's home office. Off the living room was the grand staircase leading up to the second floor, which had a bedroom and bathroom for every teen. Then, in the basement was a home gym which EVERYONE in the family made good use of, two extra bedrooms, a game room for the boys, and a sauna, which was bought as a surprise for the entire family by their favorite gays- Blaine and Kurt Hummel-Anderson. When Britt and San had first bought their home, Kurt immediately said this particular room was born to be a sauna, but the two women had never really cared much to have one put in. But of course, that was what gave the couple the motivation to buy the sauna FOR them. They loved them for that. And that was why Finnie and Kaia were so close to that family- that, and because Chantal, Blaine and Kurt's daughter, was the girls' best friend.

Brittany arrived in the kitchen and went into the kitchen for the milk, then turned to the pantry to get the flour, powdered sugar, and a few other items. She began mixing and mixing ingredients galore and glanced loosely up through the huge window-wall in front of the kitchen to see Jett and Nico passing a football outside near the lake. Finley was sitting on the shore of the little lake, on the phone, no doubt talking to Seth- the boyfriend. Santana had never liked Seth, claiming he was a bad influence on Finley since he dropped her off from a party an hour past curfew, reeking of alcohol. Brittany told her to let it go, but San never really would. She knew there was something fishy there.

Kaia was the only one inside, sitting across the counter island from Brittany, picking up a celery stick and dipping it into some peanut butter. She was leaning limply onto her right arm, elbow planted onto the counter, looking very… melancholic. Kaia was always very quiet growing up, but Santana and Brittany had always assumed it was because Finley spoke and screamed enough for the both of them. But lately, Kaia seemed just plain sad. "Hey, honey, how was school today? Learn anything new?" Brittany tried to connect with her mini-me.

"No," Kaia effortlessly whispered. She made no effort to continue the conversation, and the look on her face was one that said "Do you HAVE to try and talk to me right now?" Brittany had seen this look from all four of her kids enough to know to leave them alone when she could read this vibe. But something was wrong here. Brittany wandered over to Kaia, leaving the mixing bowl alone on the counter in the middle of the many ingredients, and sat on the wooden stool beside her oldest quad.

"What's wrong, princess? Bad day? You haven't seen in the best of moods lately." Brittany's face grew concerned as tears welled enormously into her teen's eyes.

"Mom, I don't want to talk about it, okay? I'm fine," She bit out the last word with such force that Brittany didn't know whether she was really angry, or she was just desperately trying to convince her mother she really was fine. _Maybe worse_, Brittany thought. _Maybe she's trying to convince herself…_


	12. Chapter 12

Santana climbed into the driver's seat of the large Pierce-Lopez SUV, sighing as she did so. It was already 8 o'clock, and FINALLY they were leaving the house. After 5 hours of being home, you'd think the kids would have their entire luggage together. They were only going to be gone for 4 days anyway. But no, it wasn't until Santana got home that they really started to pack at all. But really, that was one of the least of things on her mind. When she got home, Brittany seemed really upset. She found her wife sitting on the couch munching over a large plate full of cookies, watching _Hoarders_. _Uh oh,_ Santana thought. Brittany watching _Hoarders_ was never a good sign. Santana had sat down next to her wife and tried to talk whatever was bothering her out, ultimately resorting to kissing it out of her, but the blonde would not budge. Kaia was sitting solemnly on the laptop on the opposite couch of the living room, totally oblivious to how upset her mother appeared.

Jett was the last one to be climbing into the car. He was the first one in to begin with, but he was in for so long waiting for everyone else to get in that by the time everyone WAS in the car, he had to pee. He climbed in over Finley and Kaia who were sitting in the middle row of the Escalade, and into the back row beside Nico. Brittany was sitting beside Santana in the passenger seat, zoned out entirely, like her mind was being taken over by aliens or something. Santana leaned over and gently pushed her wife's chin so her face was in the direction of the Latina's. "I love you, babe." Brittany smiled very weakly, not even showing her teeth. In the glint of the houselights, Santana thought she saw a small tear rolling down Brittany's face. "Aw, honey," she whispered, cocking her head. Seeing her Britt-Britt crying always made _her_ cry. "Please tell me what's wrong, baby." Brittany just let the tears she had obviously been holding back fall as she moved into Santana's arms, head in the mocha little crook of her neck that Brittany loved so much. Santana felt tears pool onto her skin and felt the ragged heaving of Brittany's chest vibrate into Santana in one heart aching shudder. Then, Brittany pulled back, wiping the tears from her eyes, and said, "We should probably get going. If we don't leave now, there's no way we'll be in Lima early enough to get the kids at least a somewhat decent amount of sleep in an actual bed. Come on, honey, I'm fine. Let's roll." She smiled the fakest smile that Santana had ever seen, and she was appalled at how easily Brittany could wipe the most obvious of upset emotions under the rug the way she did. But Santana had no choice. They needed to leave, like, NOW.

Santana pulled the gear shift into reverse and moved her body into a backwards angle to see out the back windshield. She looked past her children, three of which were completely entranced in whatever technology they were using in that moment- phone, IPad, IPod- and noticed the one child who looked every bit as worried as she felt. She looked at her son and just shook her head, feeling like a large failure. Focusing, she continued driving, making sure to avoid any trees or bikes or whatever the hell else might be out there, and shifted into drive onto the neighborhood road, driving carefully enough to make sure not to run over any unruly kids running around late tonight. But for all Santana was worth, she couldn't allow herself to not wonder and worry about why Brittany was so freaking upset. What the hell was going on?

Just as the last thought entered her mind, she heard rustling and movement in the space of the car behind her. She heard Finley say, "Dammit, that hurt!" And didn't have time to tell her to cut out the bad language before she saw Jett, her most tender son, lean over the middle console separating her from her wife, and engulf his biological, blonde haired, blue eyed mother in a loving, soul entrancing hug that could break a heart. She saw Brittany hug Jett's arms and plant her face down into the soft, downy feel of his Hornet sweatshirt, and Santana watched her body shake, knowing she was crying. Jett just held her like that and let her cry, putting his face down into her shoulder and whispering into her ear, just so Brittany could hear.

o.O.o.O.o

Santana parked the car into the hotel parking lot in Lima. Eight and a half hours later and everyone in the car was asleep except for her and her wife. The kids were all knocked out in the backseat- they had been for hours. Before she waked them, she wanted to try to get through to Brittany one more time without upsetting another of her children. After Jett held his mom cry for what seemed like ever, Santana saw him himself crying in the rearview mirror- Jett never cries. She felt like he knew something about this, but didn't want to ask him.

"Britt-Britt… baby, I can only help if you tell me," Santana started. Her voice broke on "tell". "Please, please tell me so I can make things right." Brittany just turned her head towards San and more tears fell down her pale face.

"San… We can talk about it later today, okay? It's late, we both need sleep. And the kids, they probably should head on into the hotel. They can't be comfort-"

"Brittany Susan. Stop now, please. The kids won't be any more uncomfortable in 10 minutes after you explain to me what is going on in this family. You and Jett, you two know about something I don't, don't you? Baby, what is it? Please," Santana begged relentlessly, wanting to know what was tearing her wife and sons' hearts apart. "Please." Santana cradled Brittany's tear streaked face in her hands and pulled her head towards Santana's. She met her wife's forehead with her own and closed her eyes, feeling her wife put her hands on Santana's wrists.

"San… It's Kaia…"


	13. Chapter 13

Kaia was always quiet. Ever since she was an infant, she cried the least often and almost never screamed in dismay. She was easily one of the most laid back of the babies for the first few years. Brittany fell in love with her from the beginning. She would find herself staying up in the wee hours of the morning stroking Kaia's sweet little blonde hairs with her nails until the sleeping baby smiled in her dreams. Brittany would finger lines down Kaia's arms and just be in complete awe of the precious baby's perfect milky skin.

She was the prettiest out of all of the women in the house, too- no doubt. She could easily have gotten any guy she wanted and she was fairly smart, considering her mother's track record in school, even if she did struggle. Kaia had the longest, waviest blonde hair Brittany had ever seen, and it was wispier than Britt's was when she was in high school. It was like Kaia had never grown out of her baby hair stage, but her mothers didn't mind. They always loved the way her hair felt.

When Kaia was little, she was completely terrified of everything. From spiders, to the boogeyman, whatever it was, Kaia was always terrified to be alone. Once when Kaia was younger, the quads had spent the weekend at Kurt and Blaine's house while their mothers went on a mini-vacation, just the two of them. The quads were around 12 then, so Blaine had decided it would be okay for them to watch the old horror Hills Have Eyes. The three of them were fine, but Kaia couldn't even contain herself afterwards. She threw a tantrum, crying and screaming her ears out and by the end of what seemed like the biggest panic attack ever, Jett, her guardian angel, was on the ground holding her, rocking her ever so slightly, rubbing her back as she let the last of her deep inhales and exhales roll unnaturally out of her body. When Santana got home, she was NOT a happy mama. She was so unbelievably mad with Blaine that some would tell you she could have never spoken to him again. However, she knew it wasn't entirely his fault- Kaia was also to blame. She said she could handle it, knowing she couldn't. That's what Kaia did- always tried to trick herself into believing one day she simply wouldn't be afraid anymore.

She had been that way- the terrified little blonde- since the day she was born. Santana and Brittany had always said that they were never going to spoil their children into letting them sleep in their large king size bed- that was their one condition on spoiling their children, period. But they simply couldn't resist when Kaia would scream so loud from the second floor that they could hear even without the baby monitors they still had hooked up in the kids' rooms. It was the same every night. Around 1 or 2 in the morning, Kaia would wake everyone in the house screaming and panting and sweating through every pore in her body before Brittany would sneak upstairs to rub her back and hold her tight to calm her down, to let her know it was just a terrible dream. It was no sooner that Kaia began to sleep with her mothers every night, and it always made Brittany feel even the slightest bit better knowing nothing could physically hurt her precious daughter, for Kaia was always snuggled right tight into and between both of her moms' arms. Brittany would snuggle her face as close as possible to the roots of her baby's head and savor the smell of her strawberry tangle-free shampoo until the fairy ends of her little blonde locks tickled her chin and she laughed, which made Santana laugh, too, before San gently told her to be more quiet and sleep.

But when the nightmares never went away, they took Kaia to her pediatrician where she was diagnosed with Pavor Nocturnus, aka Night Terrors. The doctor didn't have any good advice for Santana and Brittany except to help Kaia maintain a constant scheduled bedtime and wake time every day and night, and to make sure her room is safe enough so she couldn't hurt herself in case of an extreme episode. That was when they moved Finley into another bedroom.

Nevertheless, Brittany always was closest to Kaia, just because Kaia always seemed like the one that needed the most loving. Finley was the energetic, pumped up little girl who was independent from a very young age, always resisting help from her parents and siblings. She was always the one to want to do things on her own. As for Jett, he was closer to Kaia for the same reasons Brittany was. There was some kind of biological pull between the two of them, Brittany supposed. But whatever it was, Jett was always the protector of Kaia and was always there whenever she needed someone, which Brittany was pretty sure she preferred him anyway. Nico was more like Finley, completely unaware of anything going on in the family, too caught up in sports and trying to maintain that C average to notice or even care about what went on behind the closed doors of the Pierce-Lopez family.

I guess that's what most of them did in the house lately- not look behind closed doors. Brittany worked every day in the dance studio she owned with Mike Chang. She worked with little kids in the mornings and teens later in the afternoon. Working with the babies always reminded her of when her four were still that little, and while it made her sad, she knew that seeing the kids grow up was something totally miraculous on its own.

Santana worked constantly. She tried to get off work, and Brittany knew that, but sometimes it was just so hard to see San and know she wasn't home enough. She never complained to Santana though, because she always made it up to her kids by taking them out on the weekends, whether it be driving to the shore for the weekend, or going to the mountains and skiing, whatever it was, the kids always appreciated Santana's efforts to paying back for missing so much by working. The good thing was, though, Santana's new album was officially in stores, meaning for a while she was going to be working a lot less.

Brittany guessed that the fact that although there was always at least one of them home, they never saw what Kaia felt because of their lack of effort trying to see. They'd never looked for the signs.

Maybe they should have.

o.O.o.O.o

Brittany helped Santana lug the never-ending pile of luggage from the back of the Escalade onto the luggage cart. When everything had been stacked on top of each other and there was nothing left to be said in the uncomfortable silence of 5:12 Lima, Ohio, the sunset was slowly creeping up over the horizon and early cars were beginning to drive down the highways to get to work. Brittany wrapped her shawl around her arms anxiously and bit her bottom lip back, facing her head towards the wind to stop the tears. She needed to stop crying, she was becoming ridiculous. And after how upset she had seen Jett was when he saw her crying, she knew she couldn't and wouldn't let Nico or Finnie see her that way either, although she knew they wouldn't care as much. Maybe the little hug and sorrowful smile, but that would be it, unlike Jett, who willed everything to be better by holding his mother with the most powerful embrace a heartbroken mother could ask for. But as much as she'd like to fool herself into thinking it did, it didn't help.

She felt a warm kiss of what she knew to be Santana's lips on the back of her neck, feeling Santana's fingers wipe away the long blonde strands connected to her by sweat. More kisses followed behind the first one, until finally, Brittany just turned around and planted her head into Santana's shoulder for the second time that night, letting her pain run rampant onto her wife's shirt in the form of tears. "Shhh, its okay, Britt-Britt. Please don't cry anymore. We'll be okay." Santana cooed her wife reassuring statements and feelings of hope, but it wouldn't work. Nothing worked. Brittany pulled her arms up into parallel lines facing the sky behind Santana's back and kissed her wife's shoulder, then her cheek. Santana pulled her face back to look at Brittany's and kissed her lightly on the mouth, not caring about who saw. Santana pushed back the stray locks behind Brittany's ears and wiped the tears from her incredibly red cheeks. She kissed the tip of her nose and took her hand, pulling her towards the car to wake the children.


	14. Chapter 14

Hey Guys… Gonna switch things up a bit. I'd never really planned to go into the kids' points of view, but I'm feelin' like this is the best way to go. Hope you enjoy!

o.O.o.O.o

The first time I saw her do it, I thought I was gonna pass out.

Kaia and me, we've always been close. Whenever we were in school growing up, our teachers would look at us and say, "Those two- those are the ones you can't separate on the playground." Nico and Fin, yeah, they spend time together, but not like Kaia and I do. Mom calls it our "invisible feather". Mama always tells her, "You mean 'tether'", and they laugh uncontrollably at one another. Kaia and I used to never know what that even meant, but then we grew up. Man, I wish we never grew up.

o.O.o.O.o

It was cold that day, I remember. We were coming home from football practice and Nico was driving. I was in the passenger seat and Fin and Kaia were in the back. Finley was on the phone or something, completely distracted like always, no thanks to the ADHD, and Nico was rambling on about some album, a new song he wanted me to help him with for Glee club. I wasn't really listening, but I didn't tell him that.

Kaia was getting really quiet lately. She had always been quiet, but in the last few months she almost never talked. Before, she had her small circuit of friends, me, Fin, and Mom, and really those were really the only people she ever talked to. Then Fin got Seth, who no one in the house liked, even though Mom always gave him the benefit of the doubt, unlike Mama, who always hated him openly. Seth was a freaking drunk/druggie who never had anything good to say to anyone except, "hey baby, can I get in your pants later?" And the sad thing was, Finnie didn't even see it. She looked past it, claiming the rumours weren't true, of course he wouldn't cheat, as if. He was the biggest asshole at the school, and everyone knew it except Fin. Anyway, Seth came in and that basically knocked everyone except her fellow Hornet cheerers out of her life, with the exception of Kaia. Sure, Kaia was a Hornet and Fin still talked to all the Hornets, but it was different with Kaia and Fin. Finley mostly forgot about Kaia, which was ludicrous considering they lived one room away from each other.

Then there were the rest of the Hornets. See, Kaia was never the dating type. She was never dating another one of the football players, hockey players, whatever. She didn't care enough. Honestly, most of the time she was too busy trying to catch up with learning schoolwork to have time to date. But the other Hornets dated like crazy. And eventually, Kaia became the odd one out, and she ended up further ignored by the social society of high school.

After that, she kinda just stopped talking at all. Kaia and I used to always go out into the hot tub at night, even in the winter because it got so hot on the patio, and we would talk about life. We would talk about our friends and our schoolwork and how stressful sports were getting, whatever it was, we'd just talk. But even on her worst nights, nights where she didn't want to talk at all, we wouldn't. But we'd still go sit on the back deck with hot chocolate or tea and watch the stars, like we had when we were younger. That was our connection, really, watching the stars. But then, she started making excuses for everything. She never wanted to get in the hot tub. She never wanted to star gaze. Eventually, she stopped speaking to me period. Of course I didn't get it, I just thought she was stressed. Ya know, whatever. Maybe she was just hormonal, who the fuck knows. Uncle Blaine had always told me that was how women got, but I never really got it until I realized the periodic cycle of Momma screaming at everyone in the house for a week every month was for a biological reason. Ok, ew, let's get off this subject.

But that one day… that one day in the car, I knew something was going on deeper than hormones or stress. I knew there was something more than that with Kaia. She was completely changed. I was watching her in the side mirror of our car and you could just tell by the look on her face that she was drained emotionally. There was nothing there. She looked like, and God, I hate to say this- a freaking corpse.

So that night, when we got home, after dinner, I went up to her room to see if she wanted to talk about… anything, I guess. I knocked on the door, but she didn't answer. I heard her IPod Dock playing, so I assumed it was too loud for her to hear me through the door, so I stepped in. Her bathroom door was wide open, and from the angle I was standing, I saw her leaning over the vanity of her sink, looking like she was reading or something. She was bent really weird, I guess. So I just called out to her… but before I could get even "Hey, Kaia," out of my mouth, she spun around faster than I had ever seen her react in her entire life, and I could see the damage done.

There was blood going down her arm in tight lines of red, getting thicker towards the bottom, whiter too. Meaning one thing- it hadn't been the first time. She had tears gushing down her face, and before she could even scream at me, I ran out of the room. I ran and I ran fast down the stairs, past the living room, to the garage and out the door. I ran and I kept running, getting as far away from what I'd just seen as possible. My sister, my best friend, she was cutting herself. She was literally cutting her skin in two, making herself feel physical pain. I'd read about this sophomore year in psychology class. They'd talked about how some teens felt emotional pain so much that they felt they needed physical pain to balance it out, or some shit like that. I'd never understood it, didn't want to. I didn't need to. All I knew was it didn't matter to me, because no one I knew would ever be that insane to do such a stupid thing.

I think I might have jinxed myself.

Anyway, that was months ago, back before Christmas when fake smiles were passed between her and my moms, when the only one who knew there was something painful behind those sleeves was me. I knew, and of course, that killed her.

"It was supposed to be MY secret," she would scream at me. Just as quickly, she would beg me not to tell, not to "betray" her in such a way. And I thought by ignoring it, or at least not talking about it, I could come to terms with it and she would be fine. For a while, I thought she stopped.

Boy, was I wrong.

When I told her I wouldn't tell, I meant it. But I also made her promise she'd stop. She said she would, and a few weeks later, she was wearing t shirts with only faint silver lines peeking on her skin, ones you would only notice if you looked for them. But I knew better. She was always sad still, that was obvious. But whenever she was around me, she would act very fakely happy. Very, very dramatically telling me how awesome her day was and how exciting cheer was that day. She must take me for stupid or something, because I saw right through it. One day, I decided.

That was the first time I did a body check on her. I knew she was cutting somewhere, but I wasn't prepared for what I found. No one was home, I knew she'd gone home sick that day from school, so I took the car and drove to the house during lunch and made her take off her shirt and pants. And yeah, I found them. All over her hips, stomach, everywhere.

I was naïve enough to believe she'd stop after that first body check.

That was in March.

This is September.

There have been too many body checks since then to count on 4 hands.


	15. Chapter 15

I never meant for anyone to get hurt. It was only ever meant to hurt ME… obviously. I don't get why Jett gets so caught up in it, or why Mom thinks it's such a big deal. She's been crying all night. God, why does this have to happen?

o.O.o.O.o

"Hey, honey, how was school today? Learn anything new?" She was trying again. Trying to peer into my little life of hell. Like she cared. She never cared. Well, she did when I was like, 5. And then I grew up. She went to the football games for my brothers and watched my cheerleading competitions for Fin, not me. She never cared about me, not the slightest bit. If she did, she'd known damn well how school was today. She need to know, though. People called her stupid when she was in school, too. But I'm not gonna play that card. I'm not gonna make her feel like a biological failure just because I got her idiot genes.

"No." I said it so flatly it surprised even me. Mom kind of winced, and I kind of felt bad, until I realized that this conversation was pointless anyway. It's not like she cares how school is. School wasn't her top priority. She made it in dance, and look at her. Same with Mama. I have one mom who teaches dance to the elite of New York and another mom who has 12 record-selling albums out. They were famous and loved each other and cared about being happy. Not school. Why does she even ask about school?

"What's wrong, princess? Bad day? You haven't seen in the best of moods lately."

_Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up._

_Tell her. Tell her now. Tell her your deep dark little secret and make your mother cry._

_You know you want to._

_Do it. _

_Do it._

"Mom, I don't want to talk about it, okay? I'm fine." A big pain shot through my head. So many voices. I knew I was starting to cry. I squinted my eyes shut and rested my head on the cold granite. Mom put her hand on my head, stroking my hair at the roots like she did when I was little, and laid her head close to mine on the countertop.

"There's something up with you. I know there is, Kai. I have to know what is to be able to help, baby."

_SHE DOESN'T CARE SHE DOESN'T CARE_ _SHE DOESN'T CARE_ _SHE DOESN'T CARE_ _SHE DOESN'T CARE_ _SHE DOESN'T CARE_ _SHE DOESN'T CARE_ _SHE DOESN'T CARE_ _SHE DOESN'T CARE._

"Mom, STOP! I'm fine!" I got up and started running to my room, before Mom caught my arm on the way into the living room. I screamed in pain, which she didn't understand. She knew she didn't pull me that hard. At least not hard enough to make me scream like that. She let go gingerly and I just stood there like a freaking idiot. I couldn't move. My legs wouldn't let me. My mom's eyes were filled with tears and I didn't know how or what to say to assure her I was fine. Surely I was fine. Right?

"Kaia. Tell her."

I turned my head and there was Jett. He stood with his hands tucked cleanly into his pockets. He was standing there so calm and so sure of himself.

_No. No. No. No. Shh, don't tell Kaia._ _No. No. No. No. Shh, don't tell Kaia._ _No. No. No. No. Shh, don't tell Kaia._ _No. No. No. No. Shh, don't tell Kaia._

I pressed my hands hard towards my temples, shushing the voices a little, but not enough. I turned up towards the stairs and started walking. Then I heard Jett's voice.

"She's cutting."

_Keep walking, Kaia. It's a dream. Keep walking, Kaia. It's a dream. Keep walking, Kaia. It's a dream. Keep walking, Kaia. It's a dream. Keep walking, Kaia. It's a dream. Keep walking, Kaia. It's a dream. Keep walking, Kaia. It's a dream._

I knew it wasn't a dream.

I felt my mom right behind me.

I didn't stop her when she lifted up my arm.

I felt the safety of the fabric being caught on my deepest one.

And then I heard her scream.

o.O.o.O.o


	16. Chapter 16

Kaia woke up from a feeling of a stick poking her in the stomach. She was positioned very awkwardly in the middle row of the big car; her legs were sprawled out to one side, her face planted in the middle seat, pressed lightly against Finley's back. She could see a small drool spot on the back of Fin's bright yellow shirt. Opening her eyes now, she could see the bright sun of what could only be Lima, Ohio. They couldn't be anywhere else. The sun only shined so bright here. She noticed that when she was younger, too. Kaia remembered when she was very young, coming to stay with Grandma Susan. Her mother's mother lived in the rural part of Lima where there were plains with cows and nothing much else. She would sit on the front porch of her grandma's large farmhouse with Jett and watch the sun come up every morning, still too young to care about sleeping in on vacations. Seeing the sunrise with her brother right there always made her day. One morning, her grandma came out to find the two of them there, watching with great anticipation written across their faces, the last bit of darkness leaving the sky. She knelt down behind the two of them and told them that there wasn't anything like a sunrise unaffected by the hustle and bustle city lights in little ole Lima. Kaia, being the creative little girl she was, always thought that the sun was just so much brighter because it was where her grandma lived, and grandmas are always able to make the little things so much better. Take pies, for example. Her mom could never make a pie, not to save her life. Ask Brittany Pierce to make anything else, and she could, but NOT a pie. That was always something Grandma Susan could do without hesitation. Kaia was convinced you could blindfold the woman and she could still put the perfect amount of each ingredient in the bowl, mix it without a trace of hesitation, and bake it lacking eyesight, and it'd come out just as delicious as it would if she had 20 eyes popping out of her sockets. That's just how magical grandmothers could be. But that was a long time ago, back when playing pick-up sticks was a real game, not a trick to collecting firewood, and dragons and princesses lived behind the tall treed forests behind the large farmhouse in reality, not just in the fairy tale their gray haired grandpa would tell yearly. That was a very, very long time ago. Kaia rubbed her eyes with a clumsy fist and saw her blue eyed mom looking straight at her. Kaia smiled an effort enhanced smile that her mother saw straight through. Kaia didn't care though. She knew her moms would find out sooner or later. Stupid Jett, though, why did he have to make it sooner? He could have saved them a little longer to pretend like everyone in the damn house was a little happy, at least.

No one else in the car was awake. Finley was still stuck in the same awkward position she was when Kaia woke up and Jett and Nico were asleep stick straight up with their heads leaned back against the headrests behind them. Jett had the iPad in his hands, lights gone out. Nico had a videogame in his hands, lights still on.

"Honey, come out here? Please?" Her mom's voice was pleading and she had no choice but to follow the sad command. Her mama was waiting outside the car, facing the sunrise. The air was thick with humidity and it made Kaia's head swim as she climbed out of the car unsteadily. Her mom ran to her side quickly, catching her light body in her arms before she could sway enough to make her fall to the ground. Kaia put a hand to her head and put pressure from her palm to her temple, trying to push out the pain and uneasiness. It was useless.

She let herself go from her mother and walked up with much more balance to her dark haired, arms crossed mama, and stood beside her, looking at the sun. She felt her mama's arms come up to her and she turned quickly enough to catch her mother's embrace, perfectly, like it was planned out for a movie scene. Santana wrapped her arms tight around Kaia and she hugged back, not as tight, not able to exert that much force onto her mother. She felt her mama stroking her hair down her scalp and down her back, the little comfort ritual she had always done to make herself feel better in times of stress. Kaia wasn't bright, but she knew her mama's "little things", she liked to call them. Stroking Kaia's hair has always been one of them, but there were plenty more. Like smelling her mom's pillows if Brittany was away, which she not-so-often was- if she was missing her. Or tugging on the little necklace she always wore, which was Abuelita's before she gave it to mama before she died. Or, holding Nico's hand- which he was ONLY willing to do with Santana, no one else, ever. Whatever the situation, she always had a "little thing" she did, wherever, whenever. Like before the last album hit the stores, she was hearing her song playing on the radio for the first time. She was holding Nico's hand in the local radio studio throughout the whole song. When it was over, she clapped to herself, kissed her necklace, sent up a prayer to her own mama, and then started crying- happy tears. She then kissed all of her kids before turning to Mom and they had a big lesbian make-out sesh. But she was truly happy in that minute. Kaia remembered the look on her face- pure joy. A light was cast through her eyes brighter than the sunrise now. That's Kaia's thought as Santana pulled away from her oldest daughter and looked right into her eyes. The dark rimmed eyes looked torn and broken-eerily similar to the eyes Kaia looked into in the mirror every morning.. Kaia looked down, but knew it was no use. Her mama used her left pointer finger to push her face back up to look into Kaia's eyes and that's when Kaia lost it. She started crying hysterically and before she knew it, she was hyperventilating. Brittany rushed to help her onto the curb of the hotel parking lot, pulling her hair away from her face as Santana sat down beside Kaia and rubbed small, tight circles on her daughter's back. Kaia placed her head in between her knees and started to rock herself from side to side, like a wobbling buoy, not stopping the tears or harsh breathing once.

"Here," Santana said, pulling Kaia's hand up to her own lungs. "Follow my breathing, baby." Kaia did as she was told and felt the small, slow breathing patterns of her mama, trying with all her might to synchronize her own with them. It didn't happen quickly; her mothers didn't mind, though. Santana looked at her struggling daughter and glanced up to Brittany, who was chewing anxiously on her fingernails, swaying slightly with tears streaming down her face. It was amazing how similar these two could be sometimes. A few minutes later, Kaia's breathing was slowed down to almost normal, and she lifted her head up slowly, eventually allowing herself to sit up all the way. Her head and thoughts swam in a deep sea of darkness the first few seconds and Santana braced the hand that wasn't holding Kaia's to her chest against Kaia's head, holding it steady after seeing her head going in slow circles, like she was coming off of a merry go round at the park. When her head was steady, Santana let Kaia's hand fall from her chest, not too long after, pulling it into hers, and lacing their fingers. Santana pulled her head towards Kaia's and leaned her forehead against her daughter's. "Can you tell me why? Please? Help me understand, Kaia. I want to help, honey." There was only love and tenderness in her voice. Only those things, _that _mix of ingredients, that recipe of affection that Kaia had known so well from her night terrors when she was a baby, could truly get Kaia to feel somewhat calm. She missed that voice. She missed that voice a lot.

"I don't know, Mama. Yo no se, yo siento, Mama." Her voice broke on 'Mama'. Kaia always started speaking in Spanish when situations got hard like this. All of the kids did. All of them. When Nico's best friend- someone the whole family knew well- had died, he cried into Mama's shoulders and spoke to her in soft Spanglish whispers until he couldn't cry anymore. It was the saddest thing she thought she'd ever seen. That was one of the only times she saw Nico break through his shell and really show his emotions to their mother. But really, they only ever broke down with Mama, not Mom. Mom always got too emotional, crying all over the place and not being able to stop. Mama was able to control herself for long enough to be strong for them. She could hold them without having to tear apart the embrace to cry and shake like Mom always would. But that was Mama's strong point. And Mom let her have that role in the house. Brittany would be the one to bake you whatever you wanted to make you feel better and sing little songs and just cuddle you until you felt like you would be okay again. She would go to the store in the dead of night and buy a gallon of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream for you and lay in bed with you and eat the whole gallon with you while watching Rudolph or How the Grinch Stole Christmas with you until you smiled at the holiday humor, forgetting what made you so sad in the first place. She was just too emotional to be the one to hurt with her kids. Leave that to Santana.

"Sh, no estés triste, mi pequeña amor. ¿Lo que hizo que este principio, bebe? Hm?" Santana ran her fingers through her daughter's hair, begging silently. Brittany stood off, rubbing away stray tears from her own wet face, trying to understand the complicated foreign language she'd never been able to learn.

"Era simplemente demasiado. Y no sé por qué. No podía soportarlo más. Hacer esto era la única forma de que no lo haría ... dejar ir todo." Santana held her weeping daughter in her arms and did not let go. She wouldn't let go for a long time.


	17. Chapter 17

Brittany Susan Pierce-Lopez was in no way ready for her wife to tell her what their daughter was feeling inside. How could she be? How do you prepare for hearing your daughter, even the tiniest bit, wanted to KILL herself? How does anyone wrap their head around that? You can't; that's the simple answer. Brittany was crying now, in the small laundry room of the cheap hotel Santana had rented out for their family for the next day. The only reason they were staying there at all was because her mother hadn't readied the house for their stay yet, and if they had taken all of their sleeping children to the large house and there weren't sheets and clean blankets on all of the beds, they would NOT be happy campers. So, they had settled on staying at the hotel for the day, letting all the kids sleep away the previous night's stresses, and just as Brittany was climbing into one of the beds, Santana pulled her up quickly by her arm, not looking at her, just pulling. She pulled and pulled Brittany down the stairs of the hotel, past countless doors, until they got to the isolated laundry room. There, Brittany became completely aware of how agonizing the life of her daughter seemed to be.

"San.." Brittany choked through her tears, trying to complete a single sentence without sounding like a damn moron, "San, wha- what can we do? There ha- has to be suh- something we can do. Something, anything!" Santana held her wife close into her chest, letting the tears gather in the soft cotton of her t-shirt. She stroked Brittany's hair lightly, trying to hold herself together.

But Santana was crying, too. _Screw being strong_, she thought silently. _I'm so fucking tired of being strong. I get to be sad, right? MY daughter is suicidal. MY daughter hates her own self, her own life. Oh god, what if she hates US?_ No, Santana couldn't think like that. She had to stop blaming herself; she knew it wouldn't do any good, especially for Britt. Because if Santana blamed herself, Brittany would be quick to say it was her own fault. Even if Santana couldn't be strong for Britt right now, she had to save her wife the constant and what could only be forever-living blame of their daughter's self-destruction on her parenting actions. It would nearly kill Brittany. "Listen, baby, it's gonna be okay, okay? Listen, please. You're not hearing me, Brittie." It was true. Brittany wasn't hearing a word coming out of the brunette's mouth. She was too focused on swallowing the fast coming breaths that would be sure to send her further into a panic attack- and they did NOT need an ambulance showing up anytime soon.

Santana backed herself up from her wife and looked up into her sad, sad eyes. The happy go lucky blue orbs that used to light up the room were now replaced with puddled rain water ponds. There were rivers down her face and plums highlighted her cheekbones. The tiniest bit of snot was about to come cycling out of her nose and Santana thought she had never looked so innocently childish in her life. Brittany looked away in embarrassment, wiping her nose with her sleeve as she did so, huffing in complete frustration; realizing how good it felt to just release that emotion through her voice, she proceeded to scream. A short, yet very loud scream filled the room, and Santana still can't believe no one came running with pepper spray, expecting a rape or hold up to be threatening the life of an ordinary female citizen. If only it were that simple.

Brittany looked down at her wife and had no more tears running- only anger seeping through every crack in her body. She flung her arms wide into the air, practically yelling words into the heavens for every god on the east side of Olympus to hear. "Why US, San? We already lost one kid; why in the HELL would we deserve to lose another?" At the mention of Bella, Santana shut her eyes tight together and took a quick inhale before opening her eyes and seeing Brittany, her hands now deep into her hair, clenched to her head, eyelids plastered together, and a fresh stream of tears running down her cheeks. The sight brought Santana back to a previous memory, a long time ago, that started with a single picture.

o.0.o.0.o.0.o

_The babies were now not even babies anymore. They'd only ever called them "the babies", so now that they were officially toddlers, Santana didn't want anything but for them to stop growing. Nico was getting big fast, and was now running around in the backyard with who they called "Unkie Puck", kicking a soccer ball. Finnie was the probably the most adored of the kids, just because she was the one who WANTED all the attention. She had definitely started to take after her dark haired biological mother. Jett was growing J Biebs hair and Santana couldn't stand it, considering how incredibly annoying she found Justin Bieber ever since she was a teenager. He was still singing; it was the damnedest thing. You would think years later, he would be fresh out of the teenager-crazed fan base because of his increasing age. Hell, now it just seemed pedophiliac. What made the hair situation worse though was that EVERYONE who came in contact with their incredibly cute blonde boy had to say how adorable his hair cut was- how it reminded them of- wait for it- JUSTIN FUCKING BIEBER. It irritated the life out of Santana and she constantly was begging Brittany to take the child to the hair salon, but no; Brittany refused to let some barber cut off what may be the last of Jett's baby hair. SO, Santana had to live with seeing that messy blonde bob bouncing around, tidal waves of "ooooh, his hair is so cute!" comments flooding in every day at the park, knowing she couldn't change it. But for Brittany, she would cope. Seeing her wife happy only made her happier._

_And then, there was Kaia Logan. "Little cutie" is what Quinn always called her. She was, though. She was a little cutie with the wispiest blonde curls that just stopped at her shoulders- and man, were they adorable. Santana and Brittany, even though they didn't play favorites, fell more and more in love with Kaia every day because of her easy going nature and just plain cuteness. That was okay, though. All of the other babies had close relationships with their aunties and uncles. Kaia, however, didn't ever want to be anywhere near anyone else except for her mothers, with the exception of Quinn. So, if they HAD to play favorites, which they never would, they'd probably choose the Brittany replica of the household. That's why while the other kids were outside running rampant with the never ending stream of doting adults and older kids right behind them, Kaia was snuggled in between her mommies on the couch inside the house, a plush wine colored throw over them, with her favorite movie popped in. Kaia was watching intently on the screen before stopping her gaze and lifting her head perfectly to right above the TV on the entertainment center, where there were too many pictures to count in frames of every shape and size. Her eyes weren't moving from one particular spot, though, and Santana noticed immediately that there was something she was concerned about because she missed the funniest, and also her favorite part of the movie because she was focusing so hard on the spot above the TV. Santana looked over to Britt, who obviously hadn't noticed her daughter's lack of laughter. Even though the blonde had seen this Rated G movie for three year olds countless times, she still cracked up at that one part- San had to admit, it was pretty funny. But right now, she had her daughter to concern herself with._

_ "Hey, cutie, whatcha starin' at?" Santana pressed a small kiss into her small daughter's head, making her whole 30 pound frame push to the left. _

_She turned her head, laughing at the sudden force, and completely forgot about the trouble she had once cared so much for, immediately being subject to Santana's tickle attack. Kaia giggled and giggled until finally she screamed, "STOP! STOP! I SAH WHEN DER!"_

_Santana laughed whole heartedly at Kaia's efforts to speak like an older kid, knowing she had heard the word plenty of times when Santana had declared tickle attacks on her friends' kids. She leaned back and looked at her wife, who was still watching the movie, though not completely unaffected by her wife and daughter's previous war. She was smiling while watching the television screen, even though this wasn't a particularly funny part of the movie. Santana looked back down to Kaia, who was now looking back at the same spot above the TV she'd been staring at just minutes prior. Santana pushed Kaia's chin up into her direction and put her larger nose against her daughter's tiny, pale one. "What are you looking at, baby?"_

_The little blondie looked back once before turning and giving her mother a very puzzled look. Then, she tried to dig herself out of the puddle of the large blanket on top of them and padded her way to the TV set, and pointed up. The tips of her little toes were wriggling against the hardwood floor in an effort to make her grow five feet, so Santana reluctantly, yet curiously stood up to lift her daughter's lightweight body up for higher inspection. Kaia clapped once at her mother's efforts to help before her eyes went into a valiant search for something very specific, her eyes shrinking into their lids. Then they popped out and she grabbed a single frame containing a single picture inside of a single baby-a single baby who had her mama's dark hair and her mommy's blue eyes- something Kaia had neither seen nor noticed before. _

"_Mama, it looks like Finnie! She's tan like Finnie… but she has eyes like mine. So it can't be Finnie. Soooooo who is it?" Santana looked down at the frame in her daughter's petite, ghostly hands- the frame that held the face of the little child herself, her wife, and her children would never get to know. How could you explain something like that to a three year old?_

"_Well, Mija," Santana started, turning to look at Brittany, who was staring directly at the picture in Kaia's hands. She had slow tears running down her face. It had been almost 5 years. "This, baby, is your big sister. Her name was Bella. Pretty, huh?"_

_Kaia was now more confused than before. Her face showed it. "Sister? Mama, no, Finnie's my sister. Who's this baby?"_

_ "Kai Kai, it is your sister. Just like Finnie. Except, she wasn't born with you, Finnie, Jett and Nico. She was born before you guys were." Santana took deep, slow breath and shifted under her daughter's weight before continuing. "Baby, she died a little while after she was born. You never got to meet her, honey."_

_ Kaia just looked down at the picture in her hands and did something Santana would never forget. She brought the picture slowly to her face and kissed the glass cover over the photo, just on the forehead of Bella in the picture. "I love you, Bella." Kaia whispered it very quietly, and had Santana not been listening for a response from her daughter, she would have missed the statement entirely. Santana just pulled her daughter closer into her chest and held her there, the picture frame caught in between them. Santana felt her daughter's fingers move onto the back of her neck and play with the shorter hairs that had escaped her ponytail. Santana looked behind the child in her arms to her wife, still sitting on the couch. She had tears puddled on her cheeks, but she was smiling. She was happy crying._

_ "She loves you, too, Mija, I'm sure." Santana shut her eyes._


	18. Chapter 18

Santana and Brittany had finally fallen asleep on their bed in the tiny hotel room. Santana was the outer spoon, holding her wife inside of her caved body, hand over her wife's stomach, legs tucked neatly into the curve of Brittany's long white ones. The serenity of the moment was astonishing, considering all that had happened since the previous night. Everyone slept peacefully in the tiny, snug room, and there wasn't a moment that could ruin it. That is, until there was a light knock on the door. Santana woke immediately. It wasn't that she was a light sleeper; she by no means was one. Santana just always had the motherly instinct to always be half awake to keep her family safe. However, it was too early in her mind to give any attention to what could be outside of her door. Hell, they'd made sure they put on a little door hanger that said, "Do Not Disturb", to make sure the maid didn't wake up her entire brood. Couldn't the woman read? Santana assumed she just didn't see the sign when she knocked because she didn't hear another knock come again. Until 10 minutes later. Another knock came crashing onto the door, this time strong and loud.

_Fuck, _Santana thought. _You've GOT to be kidding me._ Santana slid her legs out from the bed and pattered over to the door lazily, rubbing her eyes in the process. She'd gotten all of two hours to sleep. It was now 9 o'clock in the morning- on a Saturday morning. Had she not been so tired, she probably would have stuck her head out of the door and cursed silently at the rude idiots who were about to give her five incredibly tired and angry people to deal with. But she had had two hours of sleep. And it had been a long drive from New York. So, she opened the door with the full intention of shooing away whoever it was and crawling back in bed with her wife.

Except when she opened the door, there were two of her favorite people in the entire world waiting for her. Quinn and Mackenzie both had on exercise clothes and were VERY sweaty- almost, but not gross enough to make her not want to hug them. Santana tackled her best friend and her daughter with a force that could knock over an elephant. A few years ago, Quinn had gotten a new job as a college professor back in Ohio, so they had moved- much to Santana and Brittany's dissatisfaction. The Unholy Trinity (along with Puck, also to Santana's dissatisfaction) had moved to New York together way back after graduation, intent upon fulfilling their dreams of stardom. After a few years, they all married each other like some big incestuous family, but they were all happy. When Brittany had the quads, Quinn was always there cooking or cleaning or SOMETHING for them, just so they didn't have to worry about that kind of stuff when they had four babies to tend to. Mackenzie was only two at the time, so she would usually stay at home with Puck. But man, did that little girl adore her Aunties' babies. She especially loved the girls- not surprising. Mackenzie, even though she was older than the quads, grew up with Santana's kids and loved them like her own siblings. She knew her own kids loved Mackenzie, especially her daughters. It wasn't a surprising thing to see Fin always take to Mackenzie upon seeing her. The two girls both took after their mothers, with cheerleading as a main priority and everything else taking the backburner. They had that one, dominant trait in common. But one relationship always struck Santana as odd. Kaia and Mackenzie were almost nothing alike. Mackenzie was more like Fin, with her loud and proud personality, but Kenzie and Kaia were always together when Kenzie came back to visit. There was something there that Santana had never understood, a relationship beyond what she could muster up in her brain. Sure, Mackenzie loved to spend time with Finley, but she had always prioritized her spare time for Kaia, and Kaia had always shoved scheduled plans into empty spaces to make time for Mackenzie. It'd always been like that, as far back as Santana could remember. But Mackenzie was now in college at Julliard for piano, and Quinn and Puck moved back to Ohio. When Kenzie went away for college, Santana thought it would destroy Kaia. She loved Mackenzie like an older sister, like blood- exactly how Santana always thought she would love Bella, if Bella were alive. But Bella couldn't be Kaia's older sister, so she was sure God had sent Mackenzie to be a stand-in. That's why it was so hard to see Kaia so upset when Mackenzie left for college. She looked up to that girl.

Brittany and Santana were glum about the Puckermans-back-to-Ohio expedition as well. They almost never saw the Puckerman's anymore. There weren't ever any late drunk nights in the home-made basement bar like when they were young. They couldn't meet for coffee when they felt like it anymore. It was hard on Santana, to be that far away from her best friend. But she fought through it for moments like these, when she realized just how grateful she was to have a person like Quinn in her life, even if she couldn't see her every day. Santana was sure that was the only good thing about them moving back to Ohio. Santana backed up from the hug that had left the three women out of breath and a little teary-eyed and smiled as hard as she could, so happy that she had her best friend back, if only for a while.

"Kenz- go wake up the girls. They'll be THRILLED to see you!" Mackenzie made a mad dash to the double bed where Santana's own two daughters lay and jumped over them, falling completely over the two girls and wrapping them in her arms. Santana heard Finley whisper a small "_What the hell"_ before realizing who it was and screaming in delight. The noise woke up the remaining four sleepers in the room and Kaia, recognizing Mackenzie, too, squealed happily and wrapped her arms tight around the other girl's neck. They stayed like that for a few seconds, plastered together against each other like cement couldn't break them apart. Kaia broke the hug and looked back at Mackenzie in astonishment.

"You're here," Kaia breathed out, carefully so, tears falling down her pale cheeks.

Santana watched from afar and realized how much she missed the times when they all lived so close by.

o.0.o.0.o

The boys and Brittany were still so tired, and Santana didn't have the heart to make them stay up if they didn't want to. Santana, Finley, and Kaia all showered and put clothes on before shutting the hotel room door behind them and hopping into the Yukon XL parked in the hotel parking lot that belonged to Quinn Fabray-Puckerman. Santana put her purse down on the floorboard of the large vehicle's passenger seat and turned around to look at the three girls in the back seat. Kaia was smushed in between Mackenzie on her left and Finley on her right. Just as Santana turned around to speak to them, she saw a fast gesture between Kaia and the girl on her left. Their hands went flying apart, and Santana knew well enough to realize they'd been holding hands.

That's normal.

Right?

_Wait,_ Santana thought. _They've always been hand holders. They grew up like that. Why are they being shy about it now?_

Santana furrowed her brow at the girls, and realized Kaia had a deer in the headlights look flashing across her face. Mackenzie just looked pissed off. Santana knew her confusion was visible on her face, so she wiped it off in her brain and let her previous smile take control.

"So, Kenz, what have you guys been up to in little old Lima? What's there to do here now?" Santana asked with her upmost attempt to pretending she hadn't witnessed something between the two girls in the backseat, but they knew she saw something, and they obviously had feelings about it.

"I don't know, Aunt San. We usually go to the city." Mackenzie answered with a tone of anger and irritation. Santana pursed her lips into a small, meaningless smile and turned back to the front of the car. They'd been driving for a few minutes, and Santana recognized a good bunch of the houses to the right of her. Most of the students at McKinley, when she was a student, had lived within 15 minutes of the school, all of them close enough to walk. She passed these same houses on her own way to school every day, whether she drove or walked, it didn't matter. The nostalgic feeling she hated admitting to was creeping in again, and she knew she was getting teary eyed.

Regret of moving to New York was something she didn't talk about because she knew it was meant for her and Britt. But she did miss Lima- it was where she fell in love. The little coffee shop on the corner was the place her and Brittany would go on snowy nights to sip hot chocolate and eat fluffy white pastries with calories beyond count. The movie theater down the road on the left with the big neon sign on top of it was where Brittany held her hand, and not just her pinky, for the first time. The gas station two blocks back was where Santana and Brittany pushed Santana's car when it broke down half a mile away on their way to Quinn's house. Brittany had always said that workout beat any Sue had EVER given them. That memory always made Santana laugh.

Being back in Lima was bittersweet, yes, but she did love it. She would never admit to this- EVER- but she was sure one day her and Brittany would move back here. When she was done singing, Britt was done dancing, and the kids were all grown up.

Quinn looked over at her friend and could see the memory entranced look on her face and cleared her throat. Santana looked up at her and smiled. "So," Quinn started, "we can go to Easton and shop, if you girls want. That's usually how we spend our Saturdays, instead of being cooped up in uneventful Lima. Is that okay with you, San?"

"Sure, Q. Whatever you guys want to do! We're here on your time." Santana let her head fall back onto her headrest and mentally prepared herself for the hour and 45 minute ride to Columbus. She looked in the rearview mirror back at the little, disappearing town behind her and realized she was doing the same exact thing she did years ago- she was leaving Brittany behind in Lima. Thank god this was under different pretenses.

o.0.o.0.o

"_Britt, baby, I have to go. Come on, you've gotta let go." Santana tried to untangle the hands that were clasped behind her back, holding her into a hug she particularly didn't want to escape. But she was already late as it was and she didn't want to miss orientation at Louisville any more than she had to._

"_Please don't go, San. Please, I'll do anything."_

"_Britt, we talked about this. You didn't do anything wrong! I'll be back in two weeks, remember? We'll spend every second together when I get here, I promise. But I have to go now." Brittany let her hands fall from behind Santana and Santana realized she had tears on her cheeks. "Awe, honey, don't cry."_

_Brittany had big alligator tears seeping through those big blond lashes and her cheeks were colored with a bright pink. Santana kissed the tip of her nose gently and whispered she loved her. Brittany grabbed the back of her neck in the bowl of her hand and pulled her into a kiss so passionate that Santana thought angels would cry. Santana broke away from her girlfriend and clenched her hand once more before getting into her car. She looked out the driver's side window and saw Brittany standing there, looking naked almost. She still had tears streaming down her face, and Santana hated leaving her like that. But she had to go._

_Without a look back, she drove away._

_For three hours, 42 minutes, and 234 miles, she cried._


	19. Chapter 19

They drove for what seemed like hours, and when at last the group of women and girls pulled into the mall parking lot, the youngest in the back seat were practically jumping out the still rolling car in anticipation of stretching their legs. An hour and forty five minutes was absolutely too long to sit in the car to drive to a mall in a different city. At least that's how Finley felt. Especially, though, when there's the only thing occurring in your life _worse_ than being a third wheel—being a _fifth _wheel. Her mom and her Aunt Q obviously were engaged in the most boring conversation ever for the duration of the car ride, talking about meaningless things like how having no kids in the house had been for Quinn, how Puck's new job was going, how her moms were doing with four high schoolers in the house, if they ever needed help not to hesitate to call, blah blah blah. And then beside her, _oh good god_, do not get her started.

They thought they were so damn sneaky.

Finley had been waiting for months for the two of them to get caught, for their mothers to realize there was some sneaky business going on behind their backs, that Kaia and Mackenzie were together in whatever little Sapphic relationship they were engaged in. Fin remembered the first time Kaia sneaked out, meeting Mackenzie in the shade of the backyard in the middle of the night to make out with their long-time friend. Like, what the hell?

It wasn't that Finley was jealous at all of the physical relationship Kaia and Kenzie had, don't get her wrong, she LOVED boys. It was just that this was always what happened—everyone else would pair off into groups to talk in one on one conversations but she was always the odd one out. She never had another person to talk to like her mom and Aunt Quinn, or Mackenzie and Kaia. Uncle Puck would be talking to her brothers and she would be left to talk to Brittany, unless her mom was with Santana and Quinn. She was always left out in this hell bent family and it wasn't ever fair. But Finley guesses that it's better than the alternative—being tortured for being a lesbian like her sister.

They all knew in the family that McKenzie and Kaia, since Kaia's freshman year, had been into each other. Minus their mothers, of course. Since the bullying started, Kaia begged her siblings to not tell Mom or Mama. Finley didn't care; there was a silent joy in watching her sister being tortured. She'd always gotten all of the attention anyway, from Mama. And Mom.

Damn, she was jealous.

It was just that Kaia had always been excellent at making her mothers love her. And no matter how hard she tried, Finley just couldn't get that same attention. She made good grades; she was pretty; her goddamn cheer squad made it to Nationals, and who got the most congratulations when they won? Not the Cheer Captain, nope. Kaia. Kaia wasn't even that smart. She made low Bs and Cs on everything, sometimes lower, never higher. Yeah, she tried, but good thing she didn't succeed, because that'd just be more proud looks from her parents on _Kaia_.

Like, bullshit.

Years ago, back in grade 9, first year of high school, Kaia ruined it for herself when it came to friends. No matter how many rights were added to the Constitution of Equality or whatever, pretty much everyone hated the prettiest lesbian in their school. Finley wasn't sorry about that, but Kaia caused her own damage. She came out too early, when the other cheerleaders still went to her for beauty tips, and everyone and their sister ended up at their house on Saturday nights for sleepovers with the two hottest girls in school.

Okay, she was exaggerating.

Kaia was the hottest girl in school; Fin wasn't.

Finley was pretty; she had nice long, dark raven hair like her mama, with a face "like an angel's" is what her grandma would say. But in reality, she was okay. Just okay. The only awesome thing about Finley was that because she was a preemie, she could eat pretty much whatever she wanted and not gain weight. But she give her mama that credit, too, because she had the highest metabolism anyone could wish they had.

That's the one thing she had on Kaia; Kaia had to starve to be somewhat thin. To be honest, she rocked being average; size 4 suited her. But Finley saw when Kaia's face passively fell when she saw Finley going for the 00 sections in the stores they shopped in. Ha. And even when she didn't eat, she was still stuck at a bloated 2.

And Fin could definitely say there was a little more mental stability on her part than with Kaia. Kaia cut herself, like, hell, come on, Kai. No one really understands why she does it. Jett knew first, and then he told Nico. Nico told Finley because he felt bad that she never really got told anything. It was bullshit though, because why should she get even MORE attention from hurting herself, when really, she gets more attention than any of the other kids? It didn't make sense to Finley.

But whatever.

Finley doesn't mind so much when she's at school—that's when she gets her chance in spotlight. Everyone loves her to make up for their lack in Kaia. Kaia's tortured in school now, being cornered by guys in the hallway telling her that "they can make her straight," or girls being awkwardly and most of the time unreasonably paranoid about the lesbian being in the same changing room as them. And Finley could say something, could help, but she'd rather not. It was Kaia's fault, holding hands with Mackenzie, kissing her in the hallway, making such a damn spectacle in front of everyone.

And she could try to be nicer to her sister, to let her know she loves her, but what good would that do?

Nothing.

Because they're both kind of miserable, and love never really helps.


	20. Chapter 20

I'm nervous. I mean, I know I kind of prepared myself mentally for this, but I didn't really anticipate Aunt Q and Mackenzie to just show up like they did. I was sleeping so well, too. That's been happening a lot less frequently lately. I blame Mackenzie moving away.

We'd been best friends since birth. She was two years older; she would have only been a few months older than Bella if Bella lived. There was a two year ten month difference between us; when she was a junior in high school, I was a freshman. But being a few years apart, we just seemed like a set of siblings to most people—we look just alike, with blonde hair and fair skin. Her eyes are greener, like her mom's; mine are blue, like my Mom's. She's taller than me, about 5'7. But really, those are the only differences.

We've always been so similar.

We're walking around aimlessly in the mall, just the two of us. Finley went with our moms because she says she feels left out when she's with us. That's fine by me. She shouldn't care; it's not like she cares when I get picked on at school for being gay. She just stands by and watches. Whatever. Mackenzie's worth it. She's so… great.

It's like when I'm with her, I know what everyone's talking about when they talk about love.

She's everything I could have ever wished for, asked for, yet _more_. She's so much more.

Freshman summer was the first time she kissed me. It happened quickly, a little too fast—rushed, almost. She blushed a bit; she was new at this. She apologized, saying she had wanted to do that for so long, but she didn't know how I would feel about it. I think I just kind of stared at her, my mouth gaping. I must have been looking at her the wrong way because then she was getting up, walking away. I grabbed her arm, spun her around really dramatically, and kissed her back. She smiled into the kiss; she pulled at my hair a bit. I grabbed her waist.

That was day 1.

We knew our moms hooked up at one point. I was in middle school, right before high school started. Mama made a joke about it and we were all disgusted by even thinking some sort of incest could occur like that. Even though Quinn isn't my _real _aunt, it still seemed gross to think they banged. Back then, though, I thought banging in general would be disgusting, much less the people involved.

Then I had sex for the first time.

Needless to say my mind was quickly changed.

God, Mackenzie was beautiful. Hell yes, I was a little young to be screwing a junior while I was a freshman. I was the first to have sex out of all of my siblings. Then I told Finley—mistake number 1. I thought she would be happy for me, but her face twisted into some kind of _are you an idiot?_ face and I didn't tell anyone else. Not even my moms.

But I didn't care much about Fin. I figured she was jealous. I talked to Jett about it, and he seemed supportive enough, but I could tell he was concerned for me. Why, I wasn't sure. He smiled and said he was happy for me; he hugged me tight and then gave me a weird smile.

I guess he told Nico, because then Nico cornered me. He screamed at me, saying how could I be so stupid, she's gonna break you, do you even think you're gay, _whatever_.

I didn't _know _if I was gay; I mean, who really knows? I guess I am. I talked to Mom about it, asked her how she knew Mama was the one for her. She told me Mama was the kindest, warmest person to her, and most of the time, only her, meaning one thing—she really loved her.

They loved each other. They just knew.

For Mackenzie and me, it wasn't love. It was attraction that then morphed into what I feel like is love. She hasn't said it yet, not like that. She tells all of us she loves us, we grew up together. The love she relays is more like a friendly love, which is so damn confusing.

It's been how long? Two years? Two years since we started having sex, one year since Mackenzie asked me to officially date her. She started ditching college to come to my house during the day and see me, telling me how pretty I looked, how much she missed me, then pulling off my pants in vain attempt to fuck my brains out.

But never once did she tell me she loved me. Not like that. Those post-sex scenes in movies where the man tells the woman he loves her so much, she is amazing, perfect, beautiful, they're bullshit. That didn't happen, doesn't happen for me. I want to know why, but I'm not going to push her away with stupid (maybe?) questions like _why don't you love me the way I love you_.

But no matter how much I mentally begged her to tell me those three words in the context I used so often, it didn't happen. I needed it to happen.

But that's when things started to go bleak.

Mackenzie started talking less and less, coming just for sex, then leaving without so much as a goodbye. I started to wonder if that was all I was good for—_if_ that's all I'm good for. The correct term is depression, but I refuse to think that's my problem. That word is used for the kids whose parents died in drive by shootings, or who were raped as kids, who try to commit suicide three times a month. I never went that far. I only ever cut. It's not so bad from my angle, I think. They aren't even as deep as some I've seen online. It just feels better than waiting for something good to happen when nothing good ever happens. So yeah, I cut myself. Mackenzie saw them once and totally freaked, telling me I couldn't do it anymore, and that "they'd" lock me up in a mental ward. Uh, okay.

So far no one's done that. Mama's acting like that fiasco this morning never even happened, but whatever. The voices tell me to tell everyone, to make a further fool of myself, to make me appear as a crazy person so that I can get more negative attention. I'd be identified as the lesbian/multiple personality/emo girl who is an attention-seeking whore.

Yay.

But it's fine.

I'll be fine eventually.


	21. Chapter 21

There was a small piece of comfort in knowing that, even if just for a while, Naya was surrounded by the people she loved most in her life—Quinn. Puck, no matter how difficult he could be sometimes. Rachel and Finn, who, though the family hadn't seen yet, were expecting them later that evening. Mike and Tina and their children, who had come back to Lima as well. So many of Naya's close friends and their developed families were in this same state, all together, once again, and Naya was greatly anticipating the reunion to really take play.

But there was shopping to be done with her best friend first.

Kaia and Mackenzie had gone off on their own, doing whatever it was the two of them do. Finley had gone her own way a little later, saying she was going to the food court to find a Starbucks where she could sit down and relax. Santana and Quinn had been strolling through the mall looking through the occasional store, buying items ranging from bulky, on-sale, out of season cardigans, to summer shoes that would be easy to travel in.

They had walked into Banana Republic, and in two seconds flat, Quinn made her way towards a stack of sweaters in the front. "Green?" Quinn held up a light sweater under her chin, trying to balance her previous purchases already stacked in her arms. "Or… blue." She lifted up a sailor blue sweater, identical to the first except for the color, and put it next to the green one on her chest. She looked at Santana in a concerned fashion, like this was a decision that could alter her life in more ways than one.

Santana laughed at the site of Quinn struggling with so many items and removed the blue sweater from on the blonde's chest. "Definitely the green, Q. Matches your eyes too well to put back." The color was slightly evergreen, with mixes of lighter tones and piped beading around the edges. It was too Quinn. Santana smiled a little at the lack of "Quinn" around lately.

"Hey," Quinn scooted over towards Santana, worry etched over her perfectly aged face. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

Santana realized she was on her way to tears. In her old_er_ age, she had come to be more open with her emotions. This came with knowing how short life truly was, how if you didn't let people know how you felt now, you'd look back on regrets you'd never dreamed of having. "I'm just really glad I'm back here. I've missed this place, more than I like to admit. Being in New York is a dream in and of itself, but coming back here is like going home to Brittany every day—it gives me a sense of home." With that, Santana let a single, small tear run down her left cheek. She rolled her eyes and brushed it away. Emotions were good, but tears were still too much to be okay with in Santana's eyes.

"Ya know, San, I missed you guys, too. But, are you guys okay? I know things have to be tough having four teenagers at once, but the girls look like they're struggling a bit."

Santana narrowed her eyes in Quinn's direction. "The _girls_?" She knew Kaia had shit going on, which she had yet to deal with completely, but Finley, too?

Quinn put up a defensive face, not wanting to insult or upset Santana. "Well, Kaia looks thin. A little too thin, if you know what I mean. We were both Cheerios, San, we know what that whole experience was like. I don't want Kaia getting caught up in trying to stay a size two to four for everyone else's satisfaction. That kind of stuff stays with a girl. But with Finley, she just seems a bit sad. Think about it, San, she always gets left behind by Kaia and Kenzie, but she's always stuck near us. Now she's going off on her own by her lonesome? Maybe she's just being a teenager, but she never just ditches us for alone time like that. She didn't seem thrilled about it, either." Quinn let out a huff after getting that all out, and stole a glance at Santana, who seemed to be thinking.

Santana closed her eyes after a minute and thought, _well, here this shit goes_.

"Kaia's been cutting herself. Like, with a razor or something sharp like that. I don't know how long, I don't exactly know why. She just really has been so… depressed. She told me…" Naya stopped, catching her breath. This was enough to break her heart, just by saying it. "She told me, Q, that it was the only way to not just 'let everything go'. God, Quinn, I really think she wanted to kill herself." Santana's eyes disappeared in the vain attempt to squeeze tears out of the ducts that would force them out into the open. She swallowed back a choke, burning her throat, when she felt velvety smooth arms wrap around her small frame.

"It'll be okay, San. It's gonna be okay." Santana could hear the strained sound in Quinn's voice that meant she was close to tears as well. It was understandable. Quinn was always a third mother to Santana and Brittany's kids. This news had to kill her as if it were Mackenzie they were talking about. Quinn rubbed Santana's back in small, gentle circles, trying to convince her that her world wasn't totally crashing down.

0.o.0.o.0.o.0

Mackenzie pushed Kaia hard against the wall of the single-toilet bathroom in a large container store, kissing her harshly and not seeming to care. She worked to push Kaia's belt away to get to what lay underneath, but Kaia pushed her hands away, knowing Mackenzie couldn't and shouldn't find what would be exposed over her white hips. Stalling, she flipped Kenzie over so she would be against the wall and intertwined their hands over her head. Kaia kissed the girl passionately, running her tongue along the smooth skin of Mackenzie's upper lip, savoring every moment of pure lust she could gather in these few minutes they had. This spontaneity, this fervor with which they held each other closely enough to feel the other's breath, this was what Kaia lived and longed for every minute of every day of her life. There was nothing she craved more than the berry scent of Kenzie's hair, the Chanel No. 5 spritzed on Kenzie's neck, the hot, uneven breaths scattered along Kaia's chest and throat as she made Mackenzie believe just how much she'd do for this to be real.

But it wasn't real. And they both knew it. It's real when you whisper _I love you_ to your lover, when you smile into the kisses she gives you. Those sorts of things didn't happen with Mackenzie and Kaia. There was sex. There was making out in bathrooms in container stores in random cities in Ohio. There was the occasional hand hold. But there was nothing close to love, Kaia decided. And she could almost live with that, seeing the way Kenzie was looking at her now. Kaia leaned down towards the other blonde, entranced in those bright green eyes, and kissed her once more. Not the previous way though. Kaia released their intertwined hands from above Kenzie's head and held her hips more tenderly. She kissed each lip with grace, charm that felt so alien to their relationship. Kaia pushed just a tad closer to Mackenzie before letting her go completely.

"Wow." Kenzie looked Kaia up and down, not shyly, and then relaxed against the wall. She eyed Kaia more diligently now, her eyes questioning. "What got into you?"

"Just trying something new. You know, Kenz, it never hurt to be more romantic. Sex doesn't have to always be so erotic." This was unusual talk for Kaia. There was almost an unspoken rule for the two of them to never speak of emotions. It was funny because Kaia should be more like her mama in that way, but really it was Mackenzie who resembled the Latina in not wanting emotions to control their relationship.

"What does _that _mean?" Her eyes narrowed further, and Kaia knew she was digging her own grave. But she couldn't stop now.

"How come you haven't told me you love me?" Now Kaia closely resembled her mother; she was getting ballsy.

"Kai, you know I love you. There, I'll say it again. I love you." Mackenzie shook her shoulders in utter confusion, obviously not understanding what Kaia was getting at.

"No, Mackenzie, like, actual _love_. Not little sister love, not lust. Actual _love_. Like my moms. Do you love me like my moms love each other?"

When Mackenzie didn't answer immediately, but instead held her mouth agape, searching for the right words to respond without crushing the other girl, Kaia walked out briskly, not caring to hear the answer Mackenzie was seeking.

0.o.0.o.0.o.0

Finley sat isolated from the other coffee drinking soccer moms and business execs waiting to go back to their respective office buildings after break, drinking her grande caffe mocha with soy, staring off into the mall's extending space. She'd broken away from her mama and Aunt Q an hour and a half ago and hadn't seen them nor Kaia and Kenzie since. This was her second drink, a luxury not many could afford—from their wallets, or from their metabolism.

Finley wasn't upset about being alone here in this expansive setting, where few sat unaccompanied. She was upset that no one cared enough to ask her if she wanted to join them. 'Them' meaning `either her mom and Aunt Q, or Kaia and Kenzie. Neither of the two girls groups had asked her to join them. She should be used to that, but she couldn't help but crave someone wanting her to stay with them through the day. But no, when she said she was going to go somewhere to 'relax', she wanted her mom or Aunt Q to protest. But neither did. So, she went. And here she was. Alone in a foreign mall with a cold drink and nothing to stand for.

But she did stand when she saw her sister run from the left direction, heading towards god knows where. She stood rather quickly, letting her chair scrape back loudly under her, causing Kaia to turn and see her sister watching her intently. Kaia stopped in her tracks, contemplating on whether to go to her sister. Finley waved her over, encouraging her. Kaia dropped her guard and walked over sullenly, plopping in the chair across from Finley. Fin sat back down, not knowing what was coming. She should have known what was coming.

Kaia opened her eyes, an electric blue shocking Finley. Her eyes only ever got that blue when she'd been sobbing her eyes out. _Shit_, she thought. "What happened, Kai? Where's Mackenzie?"

Kaia laughed in a sour way, rolling her eyes. "I don't give a rat's ass where she went."

Finley didn't know what to make of that. Never, ever had she seen Kaia this mad about something Mackenzie had done. "Why? What happened now?" Finley sighed slightly, stirring her drink with a little black straw.

Kaia didn't answer right away, so Finley looked up. What she saw broke her heart.

Kaia was sitting bent over the small black table with silent sobs coursing through her small frame. Her face was hot with sadness and her fingers shook as if she was having a panic attack. Her face was pinched in agony and her eyes were flooded with tears of reckless abandon.

Finley got up from her seat quickly, draping her arms around her sister, not knowing what else to do but hold her. "Kai, tell me what happened. What did she do this time? Dammit, talk to me, Kaia!" Fin held Kaia by her forearms, shaking her slightly. "Just tell me what went wrong. Please," she begged.

"She… she does… she doesn't love… me." The words came scattered and made Finley hyperaware of the seriousness that came with such emotions for Kaia. Kaia would kill herself over love and other drugs. Especially those associated with Mackenzie. Mackenzie was her world, no matter how little Kaia meant to Mackenzie herself.

Finley backed away from Kaia slightly. Kaia held herself more upright, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the inside of her sweater sleeve. She let loose a long sigh that had been held in and looked toward Finley, seeing the sad look marked over her features. "What." Kaia said it with utter hopelessness. There wasn't a question in her voice. She sounded… done.

Fin didn't know what to say or do. All of her siblings, excluding Kaia, knew that Mackenzie didn't really love her—or at least not the way Kaia thought. They knew when Kaia came home from 'dates' with Mackenzie and seemed drained, not happy, like she should have been. Mackenzie used her for her body, for sensuality, for anything other than love. They knew that. Fin knew that. But she couldn't just tell Kaia that. Maybe before today, when she'd still been so pissed at Kaia for being so miserable when otherwise Kaia had nothing to be sad about, she would have screamed, "_well, fucking duh she doesn't love you_". Finley had always assumed Kaia didn't care about the lack of affection on Mackenzie's part. Obviously Finley was wrong, and she had a change of heart.

She wouldn't let Kaia know how they all knew Mackenzie's intentions. Not today. Maybe not this week. Maybe not ever.

But definitely not today.

0.o.0.o.0.o.0

Santana and Quinn were making their way down the central aisle of the mall towards the entrance when they spotted Mackenzie sitting on a bench near Abercrombie and Fitch. Santana had yet to ask where Kaia was before Kaia and Finley both approached the three other women, saying they were ready to leave. The group made their way out of the mall, an air of uneasiness between the five of them. They walked to the car and took their respective seats inside the vehicle. Santana sat passenger while Quinn took the driver's seat. Finley crept into the right side of the back seat, and Kaia entered through the left, Mackenzie quick to follow. They were in the car not four minutes before Mackenzie reached for Kaia's left hand, held it tight in hers.

0.o.0.o.0.o.0

Kaia didn't look Mackenzie in the face when she took her hand in hers. Kaia didn't look down, didn't acknowledge the touch. She didn't care.

At least she didn't want to.

She tried not to feel the small pulses of pressure on the side of her hand as Mackenzie rubbed her thumb tenderly across Kaia's hand. She tried not to notice when Mackenzie trailed her fingers up Kaia's arm, her fingernails leaving soft, ticklish trails over her sleeve. Kaia tried not to see the disappointment in Finley's eyes when she looked to her right.

God damn.

0.o.0.o.0.o.0

_Fucking unbelievable. _

_Every god damned time she goes back to Mackenzie._

Finley turned her head away from the sight beside her and looked out the window the rest of the ride back.


End file.
